


To the Depths of My Soul

by Moongirl12121



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AU/non-canon compliant, Allura is a good Bro, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Complete, Crashed Space Ship, Drama, Ezor is a good Bro, Gratuitous use of italics, Happy Ending, How Do I Tag, Isolation, Lance Needs a Hug, Lance’s are based on the main character from the book Bruiser, Langst, Lotor is NOT a bad guy, M/M, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Overly Dramatic, Pidge needs to sleep, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), Pining Lotor (Voltron), Pining Shiro (Voltron), Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Shiro is the real Shiro, Stream of Consciousness, Swearing, just MENTIONS i promise, lance gets hurt, my writing style is weird but everything is on purpose i swear, switching POV, thank god for healing pods, the lancelot is one-sided, they all have powers related to emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 06:53:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 34,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15043196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moongirl12121/pseuds/Moongirl12121
Summary: "It's only a matter of time before it all starts to fall apart, before things start to fall off. Short legs, long body. The kind of person who in the Middle Ages would come up over the hill on his horse, and they'd say, 'Get Wogan,' and I'd be there with my shield, the first to die." -Terry WoganI'd be there as your shield, the first to die.Lance is a Shield, the rarest power there is on Earth. Everyone has something. Many people are Guides, influencing the emotions of others, others have complete control over their own, or none at all.Shields are not people, they are tools. But Lance’s mother didn’t want that life for him, so she taught him how to cope in a healthy way, and told him to never get too close to someone.Being part of Voltron, involved in a ten thousand year old war, is the exact perfect spot for a Shield, if their purpose on Earth is to be fulfilled. Not for Lance, it’s the exact worse spot for him to be, especially with the bonds between his second family growing stronger, and the need to Shield them from every pain becoming almost painful to ignore.A/N: I’m not great at summaries, but give it a shot please?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This... I’m so proud of myself? It doesn’t sound good I know, but I’ve literally never finished a multi-chapter fanfiction ever, let me have my moment please.
> 
> Please enjoy and comment below your thoughts!

My mother always told my siblings to listen to their instincts, they would never steer you wrong. Instincts were there to keep you safe, tell you when something was wrong, all that jazz. But she never told me that.

Her voice was gentle, yet commanded attention. She said it was her gift, that she could make people shut up and listen to her. I asked her what my gift was, as soon as I knew it was something everyone had. She didn't want to tell me, I could tell.

"It's okay Mama, you don' have to." I told her, patting her cheek with my chubby child's hand. I nuzzled into her neck where she was holding me, sensing that I hadn't calmed her, but made it worse.

"Lance, my precious baby, I will tell you, but you must _not_ tell anyone else. Do you understand? It's a secret between me and you." She tried to smile, but again, somehow I knew it wasn't real. She was faking it.

I nodded, knowing that I wouldn't tell anyone. It would help her.

"You do not have a gift," her hand covered my opening mouth, preventing a cry that wanted to spring forth. "You have a curse. No good ever comes of having the abilities you do, only pain." I was shocked into silence, staring at her.

"You are a Shield, and with how young you were when exhibiting your powers, your curse is strong. I am so sorry Lance, it is my job to be your shield, to keep you safe, but instead your instincts tell you to ignore yourself, and Shield everyone else." She began weeping into my short brown hair, and I let her, obeying the instincts she called a curse.

It made sense in a way. I had pushed people out of the way of things, and always felt the urge to comfort others in a way that most children my age seemed to ignore. Her calling it a curse, I grew to realize, was also true. I had broken several bones in the pursuit of obeying my instincts, be it sticking up to bullies, or catching falling siblings. That was easiest to deal with though.

The times when I would be compelled to help someone emotionally, when I was so young, were always painful. I didn't have the words yet, so my brain made my vocabulary expand, and I even began to read, just so I knew how to help someone.

When my words didn't work, or someone told me to go away, sharp pains would erupt throughout my body, or I wouldn't be able to breathe for a while. Generally it was until my mother came and snatched me up, making the sibling apologize for hurting my feelings.

To help me, she bought books on how to be a therapist, to help people with emotional problems. Then she taught me what the books said, or gave them to me to read myself. She took me to classes for physical therapy, sport therapy, nurse training, survival training, first aid, even massage therapy. Anything else she could think of to help me not take on the injury myself, or at least know how to treat whatever I got. Anything to ease the strain of my curse.

She protested almost violently when I announced I would be a fighter pilot and train at the Galaxy Garrison. It was in the privacy of her room, one on one with me, but it still seemed like everyone had heard.

No one else in my family even knew I was a Shield, not even my dad or abuela knew. They believed the lie my mother had so cleverly come up with: I could reach into people's heads and know their deepest fears and desires. My mother told me the lie would protect me, it would keep children away from me that would have otherwise been my friends, and then made my curse worse.

I agreed on some level that it was the best for her to have come up with this lie, but I still didn’t like it. I wanted friends, stupid though I knew the desire to be.

"Those you love will be your doom mijo," my mother would say to me.

Eventually she let me go, making me promise with her special voice that I wasn't to reveal my real power, and stay away from as many people as possible.

At the Garrison I made only one new friend, as Hunk and I had been friends for years and years. Pidge was an interesting person, sometimes I would feel an intense need to help him, protect him, take away all the pain eating away at him. Other times it was like they didn't have any emotions at all.

Hunk noticed too, and we finally got Pidge to tell us what was up. I hadn't ever come across someone with the power to completely turn off their emotions, it sounded like it would be useful in some situations. For instance, when he had his emotions turned off, I felt like I had a burden lifted off of my shoulders, like I could breathe easier.

When Shiro's escape pod crashed, and we rescued him, it was physically painful for me to be around either Shiro or Pidge. Even with Shiro unconscious, he radiated such fear and panic I found myself running my hand through his hair in a soothing motion my mother would do. I couldn't focus enough to help Pidge too, but eventually he turned off his emotions, so thankfully(?) the urge left me.

Being near Keith didn't help either. I hated caring about him so much, but I couldn't help it. While we waited for Shiro to wake up, I sat next to him quietly, then made stupid jokes and started an argument to lighten the mood. I could tell it was letting his mind off of the problem, easing his pain at the same time.

Finding the giant, robotic blue lion in that desert cave felt too intense for me to even properly process. Everyone had been anxious, I had been terrified after falling down that hole. But the lion had seemed to call out to me, a soft purr that made my shoulders relax and the weight slough off them so abruptly my mind reeled.

Bonding with Blue had been electric. The moment the bond was made though, I knew I was even more deeply fucked than I had been before. This robot was sentient, and had chosen me to pilot it. Our bond was like a vast ocean that I knew every inch of. My instinct to protect, to _Shield_ , was so horrifically engulfing me that I hardly noticed as we blasted into space, and subsequently into a wormhole that Blue had opened up.

Her calming presence however, reassured me that she was here to shield me, and I didn't need to Shield her. She didn't say it in so many words, but the meaning got across, and the itching, twitchy feeling of my instincts disappeared for the moment.

Then we arrived on Arus, and woke up two sleeping aliens who declared we were now part of a war that was well over 10,000 years old.

_War? But, my instincts are bad enough now, what is going to happen in war?_

War would be good for absolutely nothing.


	2. Chapter 1

"Paladins, we have barely been scraping by in our battles against the Galra! What is going on? I have seen all of you in training, you are amazing. Why does that go completely out the window when I ask all of you to work together?" Princess Allura demanded, her fists clenched at her sides. All seven of us were gathered in the control room, not even out of our Paladin armor before she decided to chew us out for coming so close to failing.

I bit my lip, the urge to comfort her, ease her worries, almost overwhelming. Before I could say anything however, Shiro spoke for us, his voice ashamed, but cool and collected as usual.

"We're sorry Princess, we know there's no excuse for what's happening. My best guess is that you're asking us to work together as though we've been doing it for years instead of just a few months. Princess, I know it isn't what you want to hear, but we need either more time, or a different bonding strategy." He sighed, running a hand through the white forelock of hair on his forehead.

Pidge grumbled an agreement, their arms crossed.

Allura tilted her head, thinking. "We will see about the different bonding methods. Shiro, if you would stay behind for just a little bit longer, I would be open to any ideas you might have that could help." She dismissed the rest of us with a wave of her hand, and the four remaining Paladins shuffled from the room, leaving Shiro with the two Alteans.

My gut was twisting painfully, only getting worse the further away I got. With a gasp, I stopped in the hallway, leaning against the wall.

Keith had stopped with me, one annoyingly perfect eyebrow raised in question.

His own worries slammed into me, and thankfully these instincts I _could_ follow right now.

"What're you lookin' at Mullet Head?" I snarked, tilting my chin back in challenge. Instead of leaning against the wall to hold me up, I was now pretending to lounge against it, crossing my arms and doing my best to look like my usual self.

He rolled his eyes, sighing. "So sorry for being concerned when a teammate has been struggling down a corridor and stops with a gasp. I was about to ask if you were okay idiot."

Instantly I saw his shoulders relax, a minute amount of tension draining from his constantly tensed form. With his relaxation came relief from my symptoms, and I could breathe easier.

"Of course I'm okay, I didn't even have a scratch on my beautiful Blue after that battle. You weren't too bad with your aim either that time. Been watching me and learning a few things?" I teased, noting with surprise that Keith's cheeks flushed a deep red, and he backed away.

"I only did some extra training, Shiro recommended that I do." He was still blushing, but the mention of our fearless leader had my instincts scrambling, my breath shortening as I felt the pain in his shoulder, the aches of his body, and the weight of responsibility on his shoulders.

Nausea punched into my stomach; I kept a straight face, Keith couldn't know something was wrong.

"Sure he did," I winked, sighing internally. Without Shiro here to actually comfort or try to help the way Mama had taught me, I would just have to purely follow my instincts, at least until I could get to Shiro, or until I was confronted with someone else who needed me.

With a deep breath, I waved Keith away, and drew closer to Shiro, slowly leeching away his pains and worries, feeling them settle in my body. I hissed at the discomfort in my shoulder, rubbing at it absently.

Knowing Shiro would go there eventually, and Keith had actually gone to shower and then bed, I went to the training deck. Starting up a simulation for hand-to-hand, I began to fight the gladiators as they came at me.

Fighting close-range was certainly _not_ my strong suit, and it showed in how often I was thrown, or hit, or kicked. When Shiro finally entered, I had new bruises littering my body most likely.

"Oh, hey Lance. What're you doing here?" He asked, a smile on his kind face.

"I actually was hoping I could talk to you. I knew you'd probably go here whenever Allura was done with you." I smiled amicably, aware my words might put him ill at ease.

"What can I do for you?" Shiro inquired, sitting down on the ground and beginning a few warm up stretches. I sat down too, feeling weird standing when he sat.

Following his example, I began a few stretches of my own, wincing at the flare of pain my shoulder. Too late I realized I had done so too loud, Shiro's inquisitive gaze locked onto mine.

"You okay? Did you not do the warm up stretches before going at it?" He sighed, giving me one of his Disappointment Looks™ that were normally much more severe. Instead he just seemed tired, his more negative emotions leaking into me.

"Sorry, I assumed I was still loose from the fight from earlier." I lied, not wanting to admit I had forgotten altogether.

Scrunching his nose, Shiro shook his head. "Different types of fighting Lance. Anyway, what did you need to talk to me about?"

I nodded, remembering as my shoulder twinged again when Shiro stretched his in an experimental way.

"I just wanted to let you know; I know it's got to be hard on you, all of this. You know that you're doing the best you can, right? No one here expects you to always know what to do perfectly. And…" I hesitated at the words trembling on the tip of my tongue, instincts pushing me to say them.

Shiro looked a little shocked, his mouth hanging open in a very small 'o'.

Pushing through, I took a deep breath. "It's okay to feel weak sometimes, to _be_ weak sometimes. You… you've gone through too much. And for this… for this war to be dumped on your shoulders like this? It isn't fair, and I need you to know that if it ever becomes too much, if anything becomes too much, I want you to know you can unload on me. If that means talking to me, okay. If it means putting me through grueling training, okay. If it means sitting and crying on my shoulder, not saying anything, okay. I need you to know you aren't alone here, and that _I will listen to you_ , no matter what it is."

Finished, I peaked a glance up at Shiro to see silent tears running down his cheeks. Instinctively, I reached out, stopping myself from touching him. I kept the offer open, willing for him to fall into my arms, shoulders shaking with silent tears.

We remained that way for a while. During that time I began to feed him back his emotions so he could process them correctly and cope with them by himself, but without the downside of being overwhelmed.

When trying to give back the shoulder pain however, I couldn't bring myself to do it. This had been thrust upon him, he didn't want that arm at all. My instincts screamed at me to keep the pain, keep it away from him. He didn't deserve to suffer from something like this.

Deciding to help as best I could, I rubbed his shoulder gently, soothingly. It was a little selfish, but I did want to minimize the pain to myself. Shiro flinched away, a stab of pain slicing through my concentration. He didn't seem to know what to do, Shiro had been expecting pain at the touch of my hands, but for the soothing sensations to only be intensifying, I could tell he wasn't sure what to do.

So he melted into my touch, sighing as my fingers dug in, figuring out the muscles that the prosthetic had carelessly cut into and damaged, and how to ease their pain. It took a while, and a little bit of readjusting to how we were sitting, but I finally finished working out all the knots in that shoulder.

With a deep sigh, I began to release the sore feeling back to him, watching as he relaxed further.

"Where did you learn to do that?" Shiro's voice was raspy from the crying, and his eyes were closed, resting his head on a hand.

"My mom signed me up for a massage therapy certification class. I was so good, I graduated early even. Back home, whenever Mama was stressed, I would give her a good foot rub and neck rub." Hesitating, I offered Shiro a smile. "You do know you can ask me to do that whenever you want right? And I demand to be allowed to do it when it's giving you serious problems. And don't think I won't know about it." I smiled, my words losing their bite.

Shiro looked sheepish, but still curious, his silver eyes open and meeting mine, softer than I thought they would be. "Yes, sir."

I laughed, slapping his knee. "Oh no you don't, I could get used to that."

He smiled at that, huffing out a small laugh. Shiro hauled himself to his feet, gingerly stretching everything out. He looked exhausted, but when he opened his mouth, I knew what he was going to say, and I cut him off.

"Oh no you don't! You're going to bed. We just got done with a battle against the Galra, and then you had to talk with Allura. You need sleep." My instincts urged me on, blurting words before my brain could properly register them. The thought of clamping my mouth shut wasn't even on the table. "If you're worried about your nightmares, I'll do whatever it takes to keep them away from you. If that means sharing a bed, then that's what I'll do."

As soon as the words leave my mouth however, I slap a hand over my face. Mortified, I quickly rush to try and take it back.

"W-wait, I mean, if that's okay with you- i-if not then okay I'm just wanting to make sure y-you don't exhaust yourself too badly!" The pitch of my voice rises, and turns into a squeak, cracking.

Shiro looked startled, a flush creeping down his neck. His mouth was still slightly open, and he made no move to close it. I felt an odd shift in his mood, lifting from the weight that had been pushing against me.

_Was that desire that flashed in his eyes?_ The thought made a small shiver go down my spine, hooding my eyes until I snapped out of it. Clearing my throat, I looked down at the ground, clasping my hands behind my back.

"Yeah, c'mon Shiro. We should really-"

"Okay, I'd like that." Shiro interrupted, his voice a little nervous, but gentle.

"I- oh- what?" I replied, incredibly eloquently.

Shiro shuffled his feet, then squared his shoulders. He looked every inch the confident leader of Voltron, that gentle smile on his face that I rarely saw, if ever, directed towards me.

"I'd like it if you slept in my bed with me, to help keep the nightmares away." He clarified, eyes so warm they looked like molten silver.

Now it was my turn to have my mouth hanging open. He was completely serious. He wouldn't make that face if he was joking. Would he? He wasn't cruel, so of course not.

"O-okay. Yes. Let's do that." I stumbled through my words, mouth still wanting to remain flopped open.

Shiro raised one eyebrow. "You suggested it, was it meant as a joke?" He asked it so casually, but I could tell my answer would be incredibly important.

"No! I would never joke about something like that. I meant it, I just… I never thought you would actually agree to it." My hand rubbed the back of my head. I could feel a flush spreading across my cheeks, much like the flush that had disappeared underneath Shiro's collar.

"Well, now that I have," Shiro gestured to the doors, "shall we?"

"Okay," I replied faintly, following behind him.

…

His room is pretty bare, but there's a small pile of clothes in a corner that help to give the place a 'lived in' look to it. I wasn't very surprised, he had lived at the Garrison like the rest of us, not to mention only escaped Earth with the clothes on his back also like the rest of us. Not much to keep in our Paladin rooms.

I paused on the threshold though, remembering almost off-handedly I needed my pajamas. Shiro knew exactly what I was thinking, and just brushed past me, a smile on his face.

"Just come on in when you're changed."

I went and did as he said, changing into my Blue Paladin pajamas. My feet padded across the metallic floors, swathed in the adorable Blue slippers I had found the first morning we were here. Pausing in front of Shiro's door, I raised my hand to knock, frozen momentarily by what I was about to do.

However, before I could pause too long, the door slid open by itself. The room was dimmer, but still lit enough that I could see that Shiro wasn't in his bed yet. Sighing I stepped inside, making my way over to the full-sized bed. It was plain with solid black sheets, and a single pillow.

Shiro laid down, facing the wall, leaving his back to me. I followed suit, but facing the room.

It was silent, and tense for a few moments before I heard Shiro sigh, and felt the bed shift. His arm wrapped around me, pulling him closer to me. I sighed as well, feeling the tension miraculously draining from the room. It was peaceful, and relaxing, and soothing. Just what I needed to sleep.

…

What felt like moments later my eyes flew open. I didn't know what had woken me up for several seconds, but then I felt that tug. It was insistent, but I wasn't sure I could obey it. Shiro was wrapped around me like a vice, clinging to me. When I looked over, I could barely tell that his brow was furrowed.

Wanting to groan, I felt my throat closing in warning as I debated on what to do. Grumbling slightly, I carefully extracted myself from Shiro's grip, as I did so, every brush of my hands took away his anxiety and stress, leaving his brow smooth once more.

I left his room quietly, following the tug to one of the Lion's hangars.

Pidge was crouched on top of Green's paw, their face leaning too close to a screen. The circles underneath their eyes spoke volumes where their mouth stayed close, pressed into a thin line.

Sighing, I relaxed as I made my way over. Her exhaustion and fatigue slammed into me, and I scrambled to stay on my feet, keep my steps from faltering.

"Pidge, come on. It's late. You need your sleep to figure whatever this is out. You can't just keep going. Come on." I tugged on their hand, wary as their eyes snapped up to look at me.

They almost looked guilty. While they couldn't know I had taken the exhaustion from them, they could plainly see it on my face. Pidge probably thought that I had dragged myself out of bed to check on them. Like I did almost every night. Unlike most nights however, Pidge didn't put up much of a fight, instead following me meekly to their room.

"Once you sleep on it, I'm sure the answer will be clearer." I mumbled, gently feeding back their emotions.

Yawning, Pidge nodded, stepping away and into their room.

A yank in my gut, and I was off back to Shiro's room. When the door slid open I could tell that Shiro was in the middle of a bad one. Cursing my own curse, I slipped in next to him, gently smoothing my hands over his distraught features. His hands clutched at me, the Galran prosthetic gripping so tightly I was afraid the bones would break. Certainly there would be a hand-shaped bruise on my bicep tomorrow.

Gently, gently my hands dusted over his face, and began to whisper to him. "Shiro you're here on the castle ship, you're free of them. The Galra don't have you, the Druids don't have you. I have you, Lance has you. Shh, you don't have to fight anymore, listen to my voice and ground yourself here with me, okay?" I coaxed, keeping the strain from my voice as I absorbed his panic, his pain.

Phantom pains spasmed around my body, and I fought to keep myself, only managing to control myself somewhat. I twitched here and there, trying to force Shiro to ease back into the pain so he could process everything. As I tried, pain flared in the back of my neck, my chest tightening. _I'm not allowed to apparently._ I grumbled to myself, accepting the fact for now.

Slowly Shiro came back as I took more and more of his pain and suffering away.

"Lance?" His voice was shaking, and I felt a sharp stab in my gut that I wasn't Shielding him properly, I was _failing_ at helping him. I sucked more of the pain into myself, feeling my body quake with it. _No one can survive long with this kind of torment. How is he so strong?_

Hoping my voice would be steady enough, I smiled easily. It was a mixture of fake and real, so in the semi-darkness, and at this hour, I bet on the fact he wouldn't really be able to tell.

"Hey, you feeling better? Tell me how I can help more," I asked, immediately wanting to bite my tongue off. Those weren't the words I had been planning on saying. My instincts were mostly in control, Shiro's state putting them in overdrive, out of my own control.

Shiro shook his head as though to clear it, and a soft smile curved his lips. "I'm… I'm actually doing really well. I haven't felt this good coming out of a nightmare, ever. I guess you being here really is helpful, who knew?" He was trying to joke, but my instincts all but purred, while I could feel myself cracking underneath all the suffering I had taken on from Shiro.

"I'm glad I can be helpful," I sighed, my body still twitching.

"Lance? Are you okay bud?" Shiro suddenly asked, concerned. His brow wrinkled, and I felt the urge to smooth that wrinkle away with my fingertips stronger even than my instincts.

He looked surprised at the touch, but didn't move away from it, merely searching my own face. There was a festering pot of his suffering destroying me inside, and I couldn't give it all back to him. I just couldn't. He was too important, he mattered so much more than I did in terms of the team.

But I had to give him back a little bit at a time, he needed to have some negative emotions, needed them to heal himself where I couldn't protect him. With a shuddering sigh, I was finally allowed to trickle his emotions back to him, my chest loosening.

Shiro didn't seem to notice, even though his eyes were studying my face intently.

"I'm fine Shiro, nothing to worry about. Sorry about not pulling you out of it sooner," I mumbled, my body now aching from the strain of using my power. I was exhausted, hardly able to keep my eyes open.

He held me tightly, one of his hands smoothing slow circles in the middle of my back. "Don't worry about it, it isn't your fault. It isn't your job either," He said a little more sternly, unintentionally lifting an immensely heavy burden from my shoulders.

We both inhaled sharply at the two opposing feelings.

_He can't know, he can't know!_ My mind and instincts screamed, and I scrambled to take it back, at the very least take some of it back. I felt his pain pour back into me, and I struggled to dampen it. If he felt too much back and forth, he would definitely know, or at the very least suspect, what I was.

"Of course it's my job, that's why you invited me to sleep here in the first place." I struggled still, but didn't allow that to leak into my tired voice. I acted as though nothing was happening, and it must have convinced Shiro. He stopped searching my face, instead sighing and laying all the way back down.

…

The next day was much the same as the last have been. We trained as a team, and we continued to progress as a team. However, Allura was pushing the team bonding a little harder than she had been. It was obvious she thought this would help, but I was sure it would kill me, one of them, or make us all hate each other.

My head was pounding with the need to help everyone, do the exercises correctly, keep them _safe_. But she had me training with Keith at hand-to-hand. Keith was an expert, and I was basically only just good enough to not always get my ass handed to me by the level one gladiator.

As we struggled and fought, I could feel Keith's anger and frustration leaking into me, and spiking every time we had to reset because I lost the match.

"What is the matter with you?!" He finally exploded, throwing down his bayard and launching himself at me.

I gasped as he knocked the wind from my lungs, landing hard on the castle floor.

"I'm so sorry I'm not a master hand fighter Keith! How about you try and use a rifle to shoot like I can huh?" I taunted, trying to ease Keith back into something familiar, barely dodging a strike that would have hit me in the throat. Instead it caught my shoulder, and I hissed in pain.

My body locked up beneath me, and I wanted to scream. _Not now! I have to fight back!_ My body refused to listen, allowing Keith's punches to land where they wanted to. A particularly hard blow hit my face, and I saw stars, the world blacking out for a moment.

"Keith! Stop it!" Hunk's voice pulled me out of unconsciousness, along with his stabs of alarm that had me blinking rapidly. By this point Hunk had pulled me away from Keith, I opened up my eyes to stare up in his concerned face.

I felt two sensations at once, a light numbing that buzzed at the edge of my senses, and a thick blanket of calm. I grit my teeth against the second wave, eyes flying to look directly at Shiro. He wasn't looking or focusing on me however, he was trying to force himself to breathe calmly while he had Keith in front of him. I could faintly hear Shiro's growled words.

"What the fuck did you think you were doing? Injuring a teammate like that? He isn't some expert Keith! He was training to be a fighter pilot, nothing else. You need to understand that he isn't going to be as good as you are." His defense of me surprised me, normally it seemed that he would take Keith's side, or try to punish us equally.

Before consulting me, my mouth opened and drew Shiro's attention. "I baited him, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have, but he was really upset, and it was frustrating for both of us." In such a weakened state, I was unable to stop my instincts at all.

Shiro's head snapped to look at me, sharp anger in his eyes. I felt something inside myself crack at seeing that look directed at me. He stood from where he had been scolding Keith, and made his way over to me. Hunk was still holding me, his comforting strength keeping me upright even though I wanted to slump over and sleep the pain away.

"Lance. Just because you baited him does _not_ mean it was okay for him to snap on you like that. He beat you bloody. It is _not okay_ that he did that. Are you saying you're trying to defend his actions?" Shiro asked, his voice in an oddly dangerous tone.

_What is the right answer?_ My mind whirled, eyes searching his face. "I'm- I'm not trying to defend him. I just- I pushed him too far and-" Shiro was too distracting, his eyes glued to mine, boring into them with an intensity that frightened me a little bit.

He shook his head, another wave of calm trying to wash over me. I grit my teeth against it again, willing myself into staying clear-headed. I was already a slave to my own instincts, I wouldn't be a slave to someone else's. _It might try to cancel out my own, and I can't have that. The physical repercussions could be dangerous._ I appreciated what Shiro was trying to do, but I shook my own head.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have baited him. I'll be better next time," I said softly, looking at the floor.

I heard Shiro inhale sharply and winced. That was apparently the wrong answer. I felt his sharp spike in emotion, and struggled to let him keep it. He needed to work through whatever this was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment your thoughts below!


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I really wasn't expecting all of this response. It makes me love this creation even more, thank you guys so much for giving this a try! I'll be changing/adding some tags by the way, so make sure you check them out to make sure you're still good with how this story is heading.
> 
> A Warning for this chapter, there is some graphic violence, but only near the end.

Things seemed quiet after that. But of course it couldn't stay that way. As the weeks went on, I grew closer to everyone, no matter how hard I tried. 

Allura was standing in front of me, hands on her hips, glaring down at me. I couldn't go through with the mind melding exercise, it would be revealed what I was, I would be too exposed to things even my instincts couldn't immediately sense.

_I have no choice, I have to tell her what I am, I have to tell her._ No matter how many times I replayed the thoughts in my head, the image of my Mama's stricken face kept my mouth shut.

"Lance, just tell me." Allura commanded, not unkindly. She had things she needed to be doing after all, and I was keeping her from them.

"I can't do that kind of exercise. It- it would overwhelm me." I blurted, holding my sides close.

She cocked her head to the side. She had no idea what my power was, she hadn't even heard the Garrison rumors. "What are you talking about? How would it be overwhelming?" Her voice was gentle, but I could feel the spike of anger inside her. She was frustrated and didn't want to deal with me right now.

"My- my power. You know that all humans have some kind of power right? Based on emotions and such?" I waited for her slow nod before taking a steadying breath. "Well sometimes people fall into certain categories. For instance, Shiro and Hunk are counted as Guides. They can influence what other people feel, to varying degrees."

Allura nodded again, "I don’t see how their powers would overwhelm you, please Lance, explain."

"I'm what's known as a Shield." I breathed, feeling a weight lift off of my shoulders even as my chest tightened with anxiety. "They are a coveted category, and very rare. What I do is… I Shield people from pain of any kind. I can take it from them, make it my own. Usually, I don't have a choice about how much pain I take, what injury I prevent, what emotional pain I must heal." I chuckled darkly for a moment.

"When my mama discovered what I was, she was horrified. Not of me, but of the kind of future she knew I would lead. She made me promise to lie to people, tell them I knew their deepest fears and desires. Which I kinda do, so if questioned I could give an accurate answer. She bought books on all kinds of therapy, signed me up for classes, all to help me so my physical person wouldn't bear the brunt of my curse.

"Allura," I looked at her, noting the frozen, shocked expression on her face, felt the frightened flutter of her heart. "It gets worse when I care about people. When I care about people, my curse won't let me heal them naturally. First I have to take it all, then I can try to give it back to them, since I know it isn't healthy to not process your emotions, but sometimes I can't do that.

"Allura, do you understand what this means?" I asked her quietly, now looking down at my hands. I blocked out my instincts as best I could, feeling them tugging me to the training deck where Shiro had pulled a muscle in his shoulder. I hissed in pain as I took it, reaching up to grip the pained area tightly. _My radius is getting bigger for them. Soon I'll be able to take any pain of theirs from anywhere. No matter the distance._ I gulped at the instinctive knowledge, head snapping up when Allura touched my pained shoulder gently.

"From my understanding… a Shield in a war is a very bad thing…" she murmured, eyes sweeping up and down my body as though looking for clues, other evidence of my curse.

Giggles spilled from my lips, and she looked up in alarm.

"A war has driven many Shields to insanity or death. There is no other option for them. Some are not as fortunate as I am, and take every pain away, even from their enemies. Some are forced to jump in the line of fire, others remove negative emotions, taking them into themselves. Allura, if my mind links with theirs, my curse will go haywire. I don't know every burden they bear, but if I'm exposed to them like that- I'll have no control over it. I don't think my mind could handle such a rush of pain." I explained, hugging myself tighter.

Allura nodded in agreement, lips set in a grim line. "We must tell them that-"

"No!" I cut in, swinging my arms, gripping her shoulders tightly. "We can't tell them! If they found out I was a Shield-" I gulped in air, hissing as I took the sting of a punch from Hunk. "Shield's are not people on Earth! They're government property, trained to be loyal to a commander or general or whatever. They would expect me to be like that- it would become my _duty_ to be that for you, and if I wasn't-" I was sucking in heaving breaths, realizing I was taking one of Shiro's panic attacks too late to stop it.

"Lance!" Allura cried, clutching me as I went down to my knees. Images that weren't my own memories flashed in my head, horrible images. I moaned as they rushed into my mind, feebly trying to give them back to Shiro, who, as far as I could tell, had gotten a little too lost in his own head.

"Stop him- stop Shiro- he's pushed himself too far," I gasped out, holding my middle where phantom pains of being sliced open made me want to vomit.

I was lost to the visions for a while, but eventually I found them fading away. The lessons Mama had ground into me had me automatically feeding them back to Shiro at less than a snails pace, giving him all the time he needed to process and accept what had happened.

My shoulder continued to pain me.

…

Hunk was in the kitchen cooking. My feet pulled me closer, and I smiled as I rounded the corner, catching sight of my best friend. Homesickness panged in my gut, and I sighed lightly.

"Hey buddy, what're you making this time?" I asked, sauntering up to the counter. Hunk continued to bustle about, stirring a bowl here or there, tossing something in a pan. It all smelled delicious.

"Well, I'm not really sure, but I thought I would just try mixing some things up yeah?" Hunk's grin was pained, and he knew that I knew it.

"Let me have a taste. Or give me something to do. Lol, make me work for my food!" I crowed, trying to make it into a game. "You can be that mean British chef, and I'll be an underling. Sounds fun right?" I offered, already moving behind the counter to grab something to do.

Hunk chuckled, "I'll only be like Chef Ramsay if you mess up. You sure you wanna do this Lance?" Hunk teased, taking a step back, pulling something from the oven-like appliance. "You know how serious I get about food."

I grinned, glad to have made Hunk laugh even a little bit. "Exactly, teach me oh knowledgeable one!" I crowed, grabbing a bowl and stirring the contents.

Soon Hunk was snapping at me like he used to do back when we shared a room at the Garrison. He had tried to teach me how to cook some of his favorite dishes, and I usually failed at it. I knew how to cook, but I also knew how much joy it gave him to teach me how to get his dishes right, how he liked to watch me slowly, but markedly, improve. It was the same now.

"Hunk? I've missed doing this with you buddy. We should make this a regular thing. I know you feel homesick every now and then, so how about we do this together?" I offered, sticking a hand in a bowl and licking off what stuck to my finger.

Hunk looked relieved. "That sounds amazing Lance. Thanks bro, I know you're always looking out for me. Don't forget to take care of yourself though, you hear me?" His words were teasing, but I could sense a hint of steel beneath them. He meant what he said.

My heart warmed. "Of course man, I'm always making sure I'm in tip top shape. How else could I make sure the rest of you guys survive?"

We laughed, and I felt so light, as though I didn't have any burdens to bear. My shoulder continued to ache.

…

My heart cracked at the sight, and I wasn't even aware why until tears had pooled in my eyes. Keith and Shiro were standing at the head of the breakfast table. Their faces were red, but they were meeting our eyes one by one as they clasped hands.

"We're… we're together now," Shiro said fondly, eyes gazing at Keith. Unconsciously I was sure, Shiro projected his love and affection for Keith onto the rest of us. My heart squeezed painfully, and my breath caught in my throat. I pushed off the projected feelings, standing from the table.

Instantly all eyes were on me.

I pulled a grin out, turning it into a filthy leer that I knew no one would want to look at for long. They wouldn't concentrate too hard on my face. "Well how is this going to work? I know we have socks and all, but there aren't any doorknobs! How am I supposed to know when to not go in?" My callous words had the desired effect.

Keith glared, teeth grit. "I swear to god Lance, that's what locks are for." He crossed his arms, the red of his face intensifying.

Hunk moaned in horror, "Not at the breakfast table!"

"Well I would hope not Hunk my buddy, that would be gross of them!"

More groans, and Pidge even let out a little scream, lunging at me from their seated position. I backed off, laughing at their reactions.

_It's for the best, Shields aren't meant to be in relationships. It wouldn't be healthy anyway. I would just end up taking all the negativity. Not to mention, with Voltron, my already shaky concentration would be shattered. It's for the best._ My mind whispered comfortingly, but I left the room all the same, leaving with shouted threats that didn't sting any more than a pat on the back from a friend.

Shiro and Keith would be good for each other. Keith would help Shiro relax, and Shiro would help Keith focus and reign himself in. They would be perfect for each other.

I went to my room, the tears that had begun to fall silently the moment I left the kitchen now drawing heaving sobs from my chest. I locked myself in, biting my hands to try and muffle the sounds of my emotional pain. Thankfully I didn't feel any kind of tugging for a long time.

…

We improved in our fighting, in our battles. Allura helped in that she didn't push team bonding on such a structured level. We were hanging out naturally, which was forming more stable bonds. I was able to learn how to best help my teammates at the least cost to myself. It was a system that while not perfect, was working.

I couldn't eat breakfast with everyone else anymore however. Too many times I would sense and automatically take aches from Keith or Shiro that made me feel dirty. I couldn't stop myself in time from taking it, so I would avoid them altogether. It didn't stop me from easing the pain, but I wouldn't just take it from them.

Every time I felt the aches I would feel my cheeks heat up in embarrassment and shame. My shoulder continued to ache.

…

" _Lance watch out!_ " Hunk called through the comm link, his concern breaking through the haze of my mind in time for me to maneuver Blue out of the way.

She didn't completely understand why I was the way I was, but she accepted it, which made me feel so much better. I had gotten her injured so many times that I wouldn't blame her at this point if she decided to kick me out as her Paladin.

We were in the midst of a battle for the planet miles and miles beneath us. The Galra had been using the planet to shelter and grow slave populations. Pidge had stumbled across it in their search for their family, insisting we had to help.

Somehow we had managed to draw the main bulk of their fleet away from the surface, having already eliminated the main force on the planet with help from the resident slaves. Now we were driving them off or killing those who remained.

We had garnered enough skill by now that Voltron wasn't needed, we could take out fleets split up like this. It was difficult for me to focus though, a haze continually slipping over me as the need to Shield overwhelmed me and I would move to protect my teammates.

" _Lance! Your Lion isn't built to take impacts, Hunk's is- let him do that._ " Shiro ordered, dodging several shots from fighters.

I nodded numbly, forgetting that Shiro couldn't see, and resumed attacking everything I saw that was Galra.

We came away from the battle without anything major. Blue had had a glancing blow from an ion cannon, but otherwise we were unhurt.

Exiting my lion, I winced as I saw Shiro and Keith waiting for me. My gut clenched painfully, and I forced myself to grin.

"Sorry about that I was-"

"Lance, you're going to be having extra training with Keith from now on." Shiro interrupted, arms crossed and expression carefully blank. He projected calm and obedience, my head bowing from the force of it.

"Okay," I whispered, following behind Keith as he lead me to the training deck. My shoulder continued to ache.

…

I respected Keith's power. It was graceful, and focused. It served a useful purpose to him. It was also sometimes his own curse. His instincts were often violent, or harsh, and he wasn't always in control of his power. Very much like me. Shiro's favorite saying to him would often be heard after an almost animalistic sound that no one would comment on.

His emotions pulsed violently, and I felt myself tugged closer and closer to him, more and more often. My own curse urging me to try and help him with his. Take the edge off.

On many of the extra training sessions, it would be just the two of us. I would push him, goad him into going harder on me than he probably meant to. I knew it was helping him, he was letting go of his tensions of the day, fitting into a rhythm that unfortunately included pummeling me into the metal floor.

It never got too bad, a few hits too hard, and he would calm down. Keith didn't even seem to realize what he was doing, which was perfect for me. I could help him without him knowing, as I usually liked. So what if I had a couple extra bruises and bumps? At least I was being more useful than when I was in my lion.

We had gotten a little too close to being killed this battle. I had dutifully followed Keith into the training room once the battle was over. It didn't matter that I was exhausted and barely running on adrenaline, Keith needed to unwind on me instead of Shiro.

He was livid, hardly noticing he was battling me instead of the gladiator. Tired as I was, I couldn't fight him off as well as I had been getting. Tired as I was, I couldn't fight off my need to Shield, my curse to protect and take everything thrown at me so that someone else wouldn't suffer.

Hit after hit landed on me, and I gasped as his bayard cut into my flight suit. Blood began to weep down my chest as I staggered back. Keith paused for a moment, and I wanted to cry in relief. He was finally noticing that we needed to stop.

Instead of the blood concerning him, it seemed to piss Keith off more. He went into a rage, screaming at me.

" _WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM LANCE? WHY CAN'T YOU GET ANY BETTER?! I KEEP HITTING YOU EVEN THOUGH A FIVE YEAR OLD COULD DODGE THIS!_ " It devolved into snarls and other screaming sounds after that.

I was doing all I could to block or dodge him, but Keith managed to knock me on my back, the air rushing from my lungs. Keith was on top of me, bayard at my throat, and I had a sudden moment of uncertain panic. _Would he really do it?_ But instead of slicing my throat, he threw his bayard to the side, fist punching me so hard I saw stars.

Keith's eyes were wild, uncontrolled. While it was beautiful, it was also completely terrifying. I kicked my legs, trying to buck him off, but without even losing momentum on swinging at my face, he brought the toe of his boot down _hard_ with a sharp crack against my kneecap.

I screamed at that, struggling harder. _Keith doesn't mean this, I have to stop him before he goes too far and regrets it later._ Even as I thought it though, my curse had me seizing up, deciding that there was a greater danger to Keith if I didn't let him finish. _No, no no no no NO!_ I tried my best to writhe beneath him, squirming.

Keith grabbed me by the shoulders, and began slamming my head against the floor, shaking me. Black dots swam in my vision, and blood filled my mouth as I bit my tongue on accident. Every slam felt like my head would break open, every impact had my mind fleeing to the darkness before being brought back by the next impact. It was a sickening cycle that never seemed to end.

When Keith was done with that, he stood up, kicking me a couple times for good measure, his steps stumbling. I could barely make out his expression. It was completely dazed, he couldn't see anything, it was pure muscle memory by this point.

"End simulation," His wrecked voice said quietly. My heart cracked more. How many times had he done this? Worked himself into such a frenzy that he wasn't even himself anymore? Beaten a gladiator so thoroughly that by the end of it he wasn't even there?

Keith left the room, and the lights dimmed.

Shifting, I found I could move, my curse no longer holding me. Nausea punched into my gut as I tilted my head. Lurching over, I vomited the contents of my stomach. At this point it was mostly bile, but my stomach continued to convulse with my body as my head swam.

_Not good, this isn't good. I have to get to the med bay._

I tried lifting my head again, and immediately blacked out, blood still leaking onto the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyyyyy cliffhanger! Please don't kill me for it, I mean well. And also, please tell me what you thought of this chapter!


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to publish this one earlier than usual because y'all's comments have been so nice and wonderful and I feel so loved. Thank y'all for reading, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

**SHIRO'S P.O.V.**

Keith had come back in a daze again. His knuckles were scraped up, but otherwise he was okay. I breathed a sigh of relief, Lance must have dragged him out before Keith had injured himself.

At the thought of Lance, I sighed. Keith was currently sleeping, cuddling up against my side as he usually did. My other side was cold, I wanted Lance to fill that space. When Keith and I had decided to be official, we had also discussed Lance.

We needed that brilliant blue pilot with us. He took care of everyone, knowing their deepest fears had probably helped him to be sensitive to people's needs. He was so smart, figuring out even better plans than I could think up, knowing just what to say to defuse a situation, everything. Keith agreed with me that we needed to have him with us. We couldn't be complete without him.

I rose early from sleep as usual, leaving Keith in the bed. The battle from yesterday had left me with some residual tension in my shoulder, and it seemed to only be getting worse. _I'll go see Lance, he said he would help, and last time his fingers were magic. Maybe I can twist the situation to my advantage?_ Smirking, I walked to Lance's room, knocking quietly before the door opened.

Lance wasn’t snoring away in his bed, which wasn't too common anymore anyway. _He's probably with Hunk in the kitchens already._ I followed the hallways to the kitchen, finding it empty. It was too early even for Hunk's stress baking. _Pidge?_

The green paladin was hunched over their computer, dark circles under their eyes. Their eyes glared up at me when I came too close, before widening with surprise.

"Sorry Shiro, I thought you would be Lance telling me to get some sleep." They mumbled, eyes glueing once more to the screen.

"You haven't seen him? Normally he would have made you go to sleep hours ago. Pidge, it's early morning now. Put the computer away, and go to sleep." I ordered, sharing a sense of ease, a sense of calm that slipped down the spine and curled in the gut, warming.

Pidge yawned, their glare much less powerful. "I'll get you one day Shirogane," Mumbling, they turned off the computer, shuffling off down to their room.

I made my way to the bridge, finding a fretting Allura. I warmed the room with a sense of ease, watching as her shoulders relaxed.

"Shiro? Goodness is it so early already?" She smiled as she turned around, hands resting at her sides instead of on the consoles.

"Princess, what are you doing here? You need your rest after that wormhole jump yesterday. It did a real number on you. Go get some sleep, we're having a sleeping day today." I declared, trying to get a tug of a smile from her lips. It worked, her lips quirking up as she moved with me to the door.

"As you command oh fearless leader, we will have lunch and dinner together, but we might as well all sleep in a bit. While yesterday was a close call, it was also a grand victory. Let us celebrate with sleep," Allura waved goodbye, heading off to her own chambers further in the castle ship.

That left only two places to go, Lance was either on the training deck, or in his hangar with the Blue Lion. The training deck was closer, so I headed there first. As I grew closer, I felt a few aches and pains in my body that I hadn't noticed before. They seemed to grow in intensity, and I paused, lifting up my shirt to see a bruise that hadn't been there when I woke up this morning. It reminded me of when I had taken a hard knock in training a day or two prior, but surely it would have shown up before now?

Frowning, I entered a side staircase that lead to the observation tower overlooking the deck. At my approach, the lights in the training room flicked on. _Well there goes that idea._ If Lance had been training in here, the lights would have already been on.

A dark spot out of the corner of my eye had my feet freezing, and turning my body to look better. _Blue Paladin armor, still on the Blue Paladin, passed out in a pool of his own blood._ The image hadn't even fully registered before I was vaulting down the stairs, taking them three at a time.

When the training deck door slid open, I moved as quickly as my feet could carry me.

Lance was in a twisted heap on the ground, blood leaking sluggishly from several gashes on his torso. Blood also ran from his mouth, which was open, drawing in tiny, whining breaths. Blood was pooled beneath his head, and I shuddered at the sheer amount of it. Gently, I picked him up, noticing the second pool of vomit near his head.

Striding from the room, I tried to make the journey as smooth as possible for Lance, but he seemed to grow weaker in my arms. Gasping out little breaths, I could almost feel his heart fluttering in his ribcage, and I almost screamed when I felt it stop.

Running, I slid into the room that held the healing pods. I pounded on the button that would bring up a pod, activating it, sliding Lance in as soon as the door had opened, and then sliding it shut again.

The healing pod came to life, shocking Lance to life inside. His heart began to beat, and his breathing came a little easier.

My heart left my throat as the steady vitals flashed across the glass of the door. It was forced steady, but nonetheless, Lance was alive, and would be healing.

_How had this happened?_

…

The entire team was beside themselves when they heard the words leave my mouth. Keith was still sleeping, too exhausted from…

My eyes widened and I stood, fists clenching at my sides. _What do I do? How do I even address this?_

"Shiro? What is it?" Pidge asked, their glasses half-fallen from their face. Hunk was crying, hugging Allura close, who was petting his head gently. They were all looking at me curiously.

"Keith… he… he did it." I said slowly, the words sounding even more true when they left my mouth.

The rest of the team froze or made some kind of noise of protest.

"But why? Keith and Lance've been getting along better, and we know that both of you like him. Why would he do that to Lance?" Hunk demanded, looking angry and fearful.

I tried to wrap the room in a sense of calm, but my powers worked best when I wasn't freaking out on the inside as well. I knew that Keith wasn't always fully in control, and would sometimes need to vent that frustration out on a gladiator, but he had never done this to Lance. _Not that I took notice of._

Shuddering, I closed my eyes, willing myself to stay calm for everyone. My shoulder ached worse than ever, and I rubbed absently at it. Eyes opening, they connected with Allura's, tears streaming from hers silently. When they met, she looked away quickly, to the clasped hands in her lap.

"Allura," I called out, watching as her head snapped up guiltily. She cringed as everyone focused on her. "You know something, please, we have to keep this from happening again. What is it?" I urged, my power working better. I settled in to anticipation, nudging her to tell us the truth.

Allura looked as though she wanted to scream or bolt from the room. "I- I cannot. I promised. Lance told me because he had no choice- he made me swear not to tell anyone." She was stricken, staring at Lance's sleeping face in the healing pod.

He had been changed into the normal healing pod suit, his wounds and body bathed since his initial bout.

My expression hardened, while Hunk let out a small whine. I could feel sadness tinting every thought I had, and strove to wrap the room in hope. This was no time for Hunk to lose his grip.

"I know you may have promised him, but Lance died in my arms less than an hour ago. If I had been much slower, the healing pod would not have been able to revive him. Lance would be dead. You have to tell us whatever this is." I ordered, straightening my shoulders.

Her expression turned desperate, eyes darting from each member of the team. The door whooshed open, and Keith ambled in, freezing when we all whirled to look at him.

Allura momentarily forgotten, Pidge and Hunk nearly threw themselves at Keith.

"Stop now!" I yelled, lunging and grabbing the two by their collars. Hunk managed to get a swing in, knocking Keith off his feet. Keith looked completely bewildered, eyes searching everyone's faces before they landed on Lance in the pod.

Eyes going comically wide, he scrambled up, lurching to the pod. "Wh-what?! What happened? Is he going to be okay?!"

Grasping the shoulder closest to me, I pulled him away to face us. "Keith… you…. We think he'll be okay, but I found him in a pool of his own blood this morning. I don't know if the pod will be able to fix everything. He might…" I sighed, stopping. Keith was shaking beneath my hand, his own hand pressed to his mouth.

He was deathly pale, face turning a faint shade of green like he was about to be sick. "I… I did this."

"Keith- it was not- Lance he-" Allura cut herself off, shrinking back before straightening her own shoulders. "I will tell you. When Lance awakes I will deal with whatever consequences he deems fit, and protect him from the rest of you if necessary."

"Protect him from us?" The rest of us echoed in some manner or another, exchanging glances with each other.

Allura nodded firmly, clasping her elbows gracefully. "Lance had to tell me what his power was, since the training I kept pushing was endangering him unnecessarily."

My mind was whirring, confusion the primary emotion. What kind of training was it that would hurt Lance with his powers to sense our deepest fears?

"Lance does not sense your deepest fear per se, what he does is far more… involved. On your planet, Lance told me that this category is not seen as human, and that he did not want to be treated differently." Allura continued, her words sending ice into my veins. Only one category was like that on Earth.

"He is what is known as a Shield by your people. He is driven to protect and Shield those he cares about from every harm, be it emotional, mental, or physical." She finished, hands tightening on her elbows. She grit her teeth, baring them in a sign of warning. "You will not treat him differently, he is a valued member of our team, and deserves as much respect and dignity as everyone else does. If I catch anyone treating him otherwise, pilot or not, you will be sent home. We will find a new Paladin to replace you." She declared, her words shaking us out of our haze of shock.

Hunk looked stung, "I wouldn't-! Lance is my best friend! I couldn't do that to him for something he can't control!"

Pidge's eyes were blank. "It would be completely nonsensical for us to abandon a teammate or treat them differently at this stage. We are all we have, Earth customs should hold no bearing on how we conduct ourselves as Paladins of Voltron."

"That's why he… he didn't even try to stop me then?" Keith moved right on, eyes locked on Lance's sleeping face. "You idiot! Shiro, you can't- you can't leave me alone with him anymore. He might- please don't let me do this again." He begged, eyes wide and earnest.

I nodded absently, still trying to process the information. It made sense, he seemed to know the little things as much as the big things, which I had always pegged down with him being hyper-aware of everyone's needs. But it was a compulsion, he was a slave to his power, unable to stop it to save himself even. I didn't know what to do with this information. _How could we stop it when he had been trying his whole life to come up with ways to lessen it?_

Coran finally piped up, he had been concentrating on the readings from the healing pod, frowning or humming every now and then. "Well, the good news is that Lance is completely stable, and that the healing pod will have him out in a day or two." Frowning, he stroked his mustache, the pause pregnant with fear. "The bad news is, he suffered severe brain trauma, with multiple cranial contusions, and was left like that for more than six hours. He might have some lasting effects that everyone will have to deal with." Coran explained, sighing as he stepped away from the data charts displayed over the screen.

Keith let out a low moan, burying his face in his hands. Hunk and Pidge looked to each other, uncertain.

"You mean he had a concussion?" Pidge asked, eyes bright once more. They pulled out their laptop, flipping through something.

"If a concussion is the Earth term for when the brain suffers severe trauma including but not limited to internal bleeding and bruising, then yes. Several. It's a miracle his skull wasn't broken," Coran replied, eyes roving over the charts once more.

Pidge looked stricken before their face blanked out again. I grit my teeth, they shouldn't be doing that right now, not when they need their emotions to process things.

"If that's the case, there are multiple things that we should be concerned about. Even with the healing pod healing the brain injury itself, with how long it took for him to get to the pod, and the fact that his heart gave out just before reaching it, there is a very real possibility that there will be lasting effects." Adjusting their glasses, they looked down at the screen in their hands, reading aloud.

"Symptoms of severe concussions in the long-term are as follows: memory loss, this could mean amnesia, or trouble recalling past events either long-term or short term; there is no way of knowing how permanent such a thing would be. A personality change; since the human being is controlled by the brain, with such severe trauma, Lance's personality could be severely altered, or there may be small things he may or may not do. Severe and persistent migraines, they could last for weeks and be so debilitating that moving could cause him to throw up." Pausing, their eyes scanned the rest of the screen.

"There are more, but those are the main ones I think we could see when he wakes." Pidge finished, closing the laptop.

My hands were shaking, my fists clenched reflexively to stop them. _Memory loss, personality change, severe migraines? There could even be more?_ Shuddering, I focused my thoughts on the here and now.

"We don't know if any of that will actually happen, but it would be a good idea to consider them. Thank you Pidge," I sighed, trying to keep it together for the team. We couldn't all fall apart. Lance would freak out if we did. We needed to be thinking of how to make his load lessen, not increasing it.

Everyone nodded miserably, Keith merely clutching his elbows and shaking his head, eyes shut tightly. We all turned to stare at Lance's healing form, our own thoughts crowding in our heads. No one seemed willing to leave, but no one knew what to do here either. We were stuck, just staring 

My eyes ran over and over the readouts displayed on the healing pod, willing them to read that he was being released sooner. Someone touched my shoulder, and I flinched violently, head snapping to the side to see Hunk holding a blanket and a couple cushions.

"I figured we would stay here?" He gestured to the ground, making me realize I had missed the entire team leaving to get cushions and whatnot, sitting around the pod in a semi-circle.

Nodding, I grabbed the offered comforts, sitting on the ground and wrapping my shoulders in the blanket. Keith didn't come sit with me. We all stared, and waited.

…

A short burst of cool air startled me from sleep. I jerked up, lunging to catch Lance as he stumbled from the pod, his eyes scrunched in pain.

The ache from sleeping on the hard floor began to ebb away, as well as the cramps in the muscles attached to my prosthetic arm, and I gasped. _He's been taking it for me. How could I not notice?_ Violently, I jerked on the pain, fear that he shouldn't be handling my own pain fresh out of the healing pod. The aches and pain came back suddenly, and Lance's eyes snapped up to meet mine. 

They were wide with fear, blue orbs searching mine and finding something he didn't like. Lance jerked away, stumbling back to the healing pod, hands clutching his sides.

Eyes searching around the room, he took in everyone sleeping on the floor, and groaned low in his throat.

"What happened?" He whispered lowly, eyes returning to meet mine.

"Keith beat you half to death. And then you pretty much died because you were left bleeding on the floor for several hours until I found you and took you to the healing pods." I responded at normal volume. Everyone should be awake right now, they needed to either comfort Lance, or apologize or something.

Lance's eyes widened, and darted to look at the others. They stirred somewhat, but didn't wake up. "Why would… oh yeah," Lance sighed, running a hand through his hair and grimacing.

"It doesn't excuse what he did Lance. He shouldn't have lost control like that. He _knows_ the signs for when he needs to stop, he knows how to keep things like this from happening. _You died in my arms Lance._ " My voice was hollow, as though someone had scraped it raw and bleeding. I noticed dimly that my hands were curled around his biceps, probably too tightly.

"I egged him on, it was my fault- you can't punish Keith for this!" Lance cried, alarmed. The others in the room awoke with a start, Hunk up on his feet before the rest. He rushed over, hugging Lance through my hold on him.

"His punishment is already being decided upon. We _all_ know that you did not have control over this Lance." Allura's voice was soft, and caught Lance's attention. He went rigid, staring at Allura as she sat up and sighed. "I had to tell them Lance. I broke the promise I made you, and for that I am so sorry. I will take whatever punishment you deem fit." She hung her head, looking at her lap.

Lance didn't seem to know what to say, instead looking around at all of us as we gathered around him. We knew his secret, and he was afraid.

"This changes nothing Lance. You are the Blue Paladin, and part of our team. A valued part. We won't treat you differently just because we know your true power." Pidge said firmly, adjusting their glasses on their face.

Lance appeared stricken, leaning away from everyone. I felt the intense urge to comfort him, and projected that emotion straight to him, wanting him to feel comforted and loved and safe.

"They're right Lance, you're valued. I don't know what we would do without our Blue Paladin sharpshooter." I chuckled weakly, purposefully not mentioning his power. It didn't need to be said.

"But… the laws… I'm not supposed to… I'll just be a liability," Lance protested feebly, eyes dropped down to the floor.

Keith pushed forward, an intense look of anger on his face. "You are _not_ a liability to this team Lance. You're perfect for this team. This was my fault, I didn't listen to myself when I should have. I know this can't excuse what I did, but I'm sorry."

Lance was shocked into silence, eyes darting between each of our faces, frantically searching for a certain emotion. Whatever he found he finally relaxed, head dropping into his hands with a sigh. His shoulders shook, and he turned his body away from us all, hiding his face.

“I don’t know what to do with this information. I’ve- my mother always warned me what others knowing could do. She’s the one that’s always helped me with finding ways to cope. Guys-“ He swung around to face us, tears staining his flushed cheeks. “I’m compelled to take on every injury, physical, mental, whatever. And not in a healthy way either. In an ‘erase’ kind of way. She told me the more I cared about people the worse the urge would get. I know I’m valued here but- I really don’t think it’s a good idea. I might hurt Blue.” Lance shuddered, rubbing at his shoulders, and I couldn’t take it anymore.

Taking a couple strides forward, I scooped Lance into my arms. He yelped, arms flailing before grasping around my neck. I held him tightly, pushing my face into the crook of his neck. Lance went still, only relaxing in my hold when I breathed out a heavy sigh.

“Lance, please, we trust you. We will _help_ _you_ whenever you need it. Please let us do that for you? It hurts so much to see you hurting, to learn that you’ve been keeping such painful things to yourself. You don’t have to let us in on everything, but… for my sake if nothing else, take care of yourself. We’re going to be here for you,” I reassured the thin Cuban boy in my arms, nuzzling into his throat.

He let out a small squeak as an affirmation, hiding his warm face from view.

"Good." I stated with finality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so my sister has suffered from two concussions from playing soccer. Because of the second one, she had to quit high school soccer altogether. I'm mainly going off of her experiences, and what I found online. Also to mention, I am a horrible author, and his migraines literally never come up. I completely forgot. This is what I get for writing each chapter in the span of months and months each. I forget stuff. Forgive me please.
> 
> Comment your thoughts below please!


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being late! Enjoy this chapter! Also, lots of italics in this chapter geez, should I add that as a tag?

We did everything we could to make sure that Lance was okay. Out of a force of habit, he seemed to try and carry on as if nothing had happened. But we were watching him carefully. The warnings about the possible side effects of the concussions lingered in the back of my mind every time I so much as looked in his direction, often times more. As far as I could tell, nothing was amiss. I just kept waiting to find something different.

He stayed relatively the same, smiling and laughing and being beautiful.

Keith came to me a few days after Lance was released from the medical bay from observation. He asked permission to leave. He gave some vague explanation about how he wanted to learn more about his ancestry, and train with the Blade.

“Keith, you don’t… you don’t have to leave to keep Lance safe. You _know_ he isn’t going to take it that way at all. Keith…” I sighed, running a hand through my hair when his expression didn’t change. His lips were pressed in a thin line, arms crossed tightly in front of him. Eyes watching me carefully, they remained unyielding as I paced and tried to deny him.

“I should leave, Shiro. You know that I should,” Keith was so calm about it, and it set my teeth on edge. I exploded outward, lunging and grabbing my boyfriend by the biceps, shaking him.

“Bullshit! You know that you shouldn’t! What are we supposed to do without you anyway huh? What am I supposed to do without you? What the _fuck_ is Lance going to think if I let you leave? You’re going to do that to him?” I demanded, shaking him harder and harder until his grip on my own arms was vice-like.

“What else _can_ I do Shiro?! I love him so much and I almost fucking _KILLED_ HIM!” He shouted right back, desperation and fear lacing his tone. My heart broke seeing him like this.

“You stay, you stay and you rebuild. Lance is willing to trust you again, why won’t you try?” Voice soft and pleading, I drew Keith close to me, hugging his smaller body so it was engulfed in mine. _He can’t leave, he just can’t._ “Stay, please…”

Keith sighed, nuzzling into my shoulder. “Fine, I’ll try harder, but I still don’t trust myself with him.”

**LANCE’S P.O.V.**

Keith was afraid. Constantly nervous. He shied away from me at every chance he got, as if he couldn’t stand to be around me. He knew I could feel his fear, and he didn’t want me to know. Of this I was certain. I didn’t have extra training sessions anymore. Shiro had stopped them since learning about _why_ I was always so distracted in battle. And because Keith no doubt refused to continue them. 

It hurt my heart almost physically that he was so cold. I wanted to take it from him. He should only feel happiness, I was the one that ruined things. If I had just been better, been able to call him out of it, no one would know and he wouldn’t be afraid anymore. I knew those were dangerous thoughts, my instincts would react to them if I wasn’t careful, but I found that I really didn’t want to be careful.

So I took it.

…

The change was immediate, and probably alarmed some of the team. I took his negative emotions away, as many as I could consume, and I felt _horrible_. But Keith smiled at me, and was talking to me again, he even offered to sit in the training room with me and give me pointers while I practiced hand to hand with droids.

It was heaven having him interacting with me again. Shiro had seemed confused, and a little worried, so, in a panic, I took that worry away.

With each day I felt heavier, and less able to function like I normally did. Hunk would regularly ask me how I was doing, checking up on me to make sure I wasn’t overextending myself. Pidge wanted to do tests, and I couldn’t deny them, their pain and worry over their family was something I took on in increments, each day.

_I’m not coping oh god what have I done._ Fear was my constant companion, and worry drained me like a vampire sucks blood from its victim.

But… everyone was so _happy_. My instincts weren’t screaming at me anymore. As I took on more, it felt more content, more at ease, and I _knew_ it was a bad thing, that fighting my instinct would get me to survive, but…. They weren’t suffering anymore. The people I cared most about weren’t constantly tired and hurt and angry and worried anymore.

_How can my comfort and happiness be worth more than theirs?_

To my relief, no one seemed to notice anything was off, I would take away the suspicion and paranoia and everything else before it could be formed into a full thought. _And that is good, they shouldn’t have to deal with that while we’re fighting a war. These guys are just kids, if only one person has to suffer, its better this way._

Shiro and Keith were disgustingly domestic with each other now, and everyone was okay with it. They approached me after a particularly difficult battle, we had been closer to losing than winning.

“Lance?” Shiro was blushing, trying to hide it by not looking at me. Keith’s expression was soft, and I felt pangs of worry from them, absorbing it before they could hesitate or stop.

“Yes?” I replied, I removed my helmet, gulping in breaths of filtered air in the hangar. Stepping down from Blue’s maw, I did my best to smile at them. It felt like agony, my body was littered in bruises that I couldn’t let them see. But they needed to talk to me, a soak could wait.

“We’ve been talking…” Shiro started, glancing at Keith, who merely nodded. He seemed content to let Shiro say this. Whatever ‘this’ was. “And… we know it isn’t conventional, and we hope that no matter what you say, it won’t change anything for the worse between us but…” Biting his lip, I started to get concerned.

What were they so nervous about? I started shifting in place, taking it from them as easily as I breathed.

Shiro’s shoulders relaxed, and he smiled gently at me. “Would you, would you go out with us?”

My heart stopped in my chest. _This, this was, there was no way! I loved them so much, and they actually want me? It’s too good to be true! They’ve loved each other- and they want me back? Just like I love them?_ My silence must have worried them, as more fear and anxiety poured into me. They felt like weights on my chest, making it harder for me to breathe.

“I- I don’t know what to say!” I finally replied, almost choking on my words 

“You don’t have to give us a reply right now! Just… think on it?” Shiro’s face was so earnest, how could I refuse?

“I will, I’ll think- I’ll think on it,” I stammered, my heart stopping again when he grasped my hand and brushed a kiss to the back of it. Glancing at Keith, I saw he was still smiling, an almost dopey look in his eyes.

“Please don’t take too long,” he murmured, leaving with Shiro as they left me in the hangar.

Mouth agape, I looked at my hand as if it had sprouted purple fur and claws. _They love me, they love me too! How could I be so lucky? I take away all of their negative emotions and they want to give me only happy ones in return!_ Over the moon, I walked to my room in a daze, stripping out of my armor and running a bath in the adjoined bathroom.

Something didn’t feel right about that though.

Soaking in the tub felt so nice on my bruises and aches and pains. I melted against the ledge, breathing deeply. This was paradise, truly. The two people I was crushing on liked me back, and we were even getting closer to defeating Zarkon and the empire. A plan was being devised between us and the Blade of Marmora, everything was falling into place perfectly.

_Too perfectly._ A small voice in the back of my mind whispered, and I stiffened. _You took away their negative emotions, what else could be left but affection and love? They might like you better than the others, but do you really think that they would ever ask you out if you hadn’t taken away their negative feelings for you? How selfish could you be? Using them like this to make yourself happier? Isn’t seeing them happy together enough? What if they grow to hate you? You would feel it, you would know what that meant. How can you_ do _that to them?_

I sat up abruptly, water sloshing around my body. Horror choked my air, and I couldn’t _breathe_.

“Oh god, what have I done?” I whispered brokenly, hands curling around my face. Tears began to spill down my cheeks, and I wiped at them aggressively. I couldn’t accept, it wasn’t real, it was just the absence of the usual negative emotions they would feel. _They don’t love me_. A sob left my lips, and I bit down hard, trying to tamp everything down.

“What have I done?” I continued to whisper, sobs escaping no matter how hard I tried to reign them in. My chest heaved, and I closed my eyes, wanting to wail in misery at what I had inflicted. “I can’t, I can’t just undo this, oh _god_ , I can’t just make things go back to the way they had been before! I don’t- I don’t know _how_ oh god oh _god_ and they’re going to hate me for doing this!” I was babbling, curling in on myself.

The bruises stood out on my skin, and I hated the sight of them. I was too weak, I couldn’t protect them better, I had to resort to _this_. _My mama would be so ashamed of me. All of her hard work, wasted_. I kept crying, letting my tears mix with my bath water. I didn’t want to feel comfort, I should be punished for this, this was unforgivable of me. I betrayed my team, I _lied_ to them.

Sucking in a harsh breath, I forced myself out of the water. I had to get away. Get back to Earth, _something_. Then things could go back to normal and I wouldn’t be leeching from them anymore. It isn’t healthy to only be surrounded by good feelings, no disagreements were _dangerous_ out here. If a plan wasn’t argued over, people could be _killed!_

Horror and disgust made shivers run up and down my spine. _Our plan to destroy Zarkon, what if it isn’t good enough? What if there are huge flaws in the plan but everyone was feeling too good to notice any danger?_

_I am a liability._

Hurriedly, in jerky movements, I yanked on my clothes from Earth, making sure the jacket covered the mottled bruising. Sprinting from the room, I honed in on Allura and Coran. They were on the bridge, discussing something no doubt. I flew to them, my lungs laboring and my muscles protesting.

Bursting in, I quickly absorbed their alarm and panic.

“Lance? What is it my boy, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Coran asked gently, twirling his mustache casually. 

Allura looked mildly interested, turning from her work to face me. “What’s got you so panicked looking?”

“I have to leave,” I gasped out. They would be too doped up on my powers to refuse me. I was ashamed, but I knew it was true. “It isn’t safe, I’ve been taking everything and- the plan- to defeat Zarkon?- it might have horrible flaws because of me. I can’t stay here anymore, I have to get as far away as possible!” I explained, immediately inundated with fear and anger.

“Well… will you be gone long?” Coran asked, dazed.

“I won’t take Blue, Princess I know you would be able to fly her. I just need a pod and a portal as far away from here as you can manage.” I rushed, the rush of negative emotions making my head spin.

Allura’s eyes looked glazed, and she stumbled back a step. “Lance… I… I would be honored to pilot Blue. Are you sure this is best?” She asked, concerned.

I nodded tightly, hands clenched.

“Very well, then. Coran will help you with a pod, and once you are out there, I will create a portal for you.” Allura said, her voice faint. She looked unsteady, a constant stream of worry fear anger worry feeding into me. My throat constricted.

“Make it random, I don’t want to be found again. It isn’t safe.” I heard myself saying, wanting to cry. It was true, but it was so painful to say. I wanted to be found again, I wanted to go home, but nothing was safe. If they found me everything would go back to this, and it would be horrible.

Allura’s and Coran’s brows furrowed before smoothing again, and Coran moved to take me down to the hangars.

“If… take a communicator with you just in case, okay?” Allura blurted, her worry too strong for me to take completely.

I nodded, disappearing down the corridor with Coran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAM there's the Langst for ya! What did y'all think? I'm sure y'all're mad that this is what Lance is doing, but come on, it makes sense right?


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I was late with the last chapter, I figured, why not two?  
> More pov switching happens in this chapter.

The pod was cold. Unbearably so considering all I had was a jacket for cover and a small heated blanket that lost power after a few hours. After moving through the wormhole, and after it closed behind me, I had gunned it. Just because I had requested it to be random but far away, didn’t mean that Allura wouldn’t try to trace the last wormhole she had opened, and try to get me back.

As soon as the wormhole had closed, I had felt instant relief, every single negative emotion I had been drinking in catapulted from my person. I felt so guilty that it was hard to see where I was going, so many tears ran down my face.

But now the fuel was gone, and I was drifting through space. Aimless, with little to see. The stars looked beautiful, but after so long in space they lost much of their grandeur.

Looking up, I saw that I was headed for a planet. The pod had been caught in a stray lick of gravity, and was being pulled closer. It looked like an empty planet, which would be good for me. I couldn’t get close to someone and end up hurting them.

My heart twinged painfully inside my chest. I would be completely alone.

…

I couldn’t remember much of the crash, only that it hadn’t managed to kill me despite its best efforts. I had a concussion probably, a bad one if the amount of pain was any indicator. One of my legs was broken, there was something wrong with that hip too, and my entire body pulsed like it was one giant bruise.

The planet was mild in temperature, and I could breathe the air, so I counted it as a win. Where I was looked like endless grassland, the grasses going just above my head. They were a dull teal, and smelled faintly of mint.

Crawling from the wreckage had been agony, but I knew I couldn’t just stay there. If there was anyone on this planet, they might have seen the crash, and come investigate. Where I had crashed, peculiarly, had broken the ground beneath it, a liquid that smelled as minty as the grasses welling up.

An experimental taste had me grinning. It tasted like cold mint tea, and gave me a slight buzz. Hopefully it wouldn’t kill me, but at this point, why not? What was the point in me carrying on living on this empty planet, who knows how far away from my loved ones?

I grit my teeth, wincing and immediately relenting on that, as it made a stab of pain go through my head. Closing my eyes, I decided to at least rest here, the sun’s rays were gentle, the clear sky showing the stars in space. I could sleep for a while, and then maybe I would feel better.

**KEITH’S P.O.V.**

I fell to my knees, a low whine leaving my throat. Eyes cracking open _-when had I closed them?-_ I noticed Shiro was in a similar state. His eyes were wide open however, mouth gaping like a fish, trying to suck in enough air. He was on all fours, arms twitching as if in pain.

Wincing myself, it felt as though someone were punching me over and over again. With each impact emotions came with it. Worry, fear, anger, frustration, annoyance, fear, fear, _anger_ , worry so intense my stomach tried to rid itself of lunch.

The simulation stopped, aware that Shiro and I had disengaged, and I was grateful for that safety feature Pidge had installed after the virus incident.

“What- what’s happening?” I gasped out, falling to my side, trying to draw in enough breath as everything continuing to torrent into me, rushing me, overwhelming me.

“I- I don’t- fuck- what’s-?” Shiro’s voice sounded broken, and with immense effort, I dragged myself towards him, whimpering as his face contorted in pain and discomfort.

“ _Paladins to the bridge immediately! This is an emergency!_ ” Allura’s voice rang out over the speakers, clearly strained.

Fearing the worst, I dragged myself to my feet, wincing as my right ankle protested. _I twisted it running from Galra soldiers the other day, why-?_ My thoughts were cut off as I stumbled to help Shiro up. He whined in pain, cradling his prosthetic arm in his flesh arm.

It was as though we were being assaulted by a barrage of pain and anger and fear, our bodies physically aching from how much it all hurt.

…

Stumbling to the bridge, we met a Pidge who was clutching their head in their hands, whining low in their throat at every small sound. Inside, Hunk was waiting patiently, more or less okay, but green in the face. A huge purple bruise had blossomed across his jaw. Allura looked so tired and stressed, and worried and _angry_ , pacing back and forth, Coran standing helpless in front of the control panel.

“What do you mean? Why are you guys trying to trace a wormhole?” Hunk asked, curious. The three of us caught up to the others. I paused, looking around for Lance. Worry and fear spiked through me, stronger than I thought was strictly necessary, but I began to think of only a few hours earlier. Shiro and I had confessed to him, and he hadn’t given an answer. _Maybe he’s asleep, he did look exhausted._

“Paladins, I am so sorry, I- I have made a horrible mistake! Coran and I are trying to remedy the situation, but I am afraid that… we will not be able to.” Wringing her hands, Allura resumed pacing, and dread tightened in my gut. Had something happened with the Blade?

“Allura, it’ll be okay, but first, we have to figure out what’s happening to all of us. Its like some kind of psychic attack!” Shiro wheezed, still leaning heavily against my side for support.

Allura bit her lip, turning away. Guilt once again flashed in her eyes, and I stiffened. “Is that the mistake? Did you make this happen to us? Did you poison the food or something?” I snapped, glaring back and forth.

“ _Oh no_ , that’s why I’ve been so nauseous?!” Hunk cried, “You _did_ poison the food!” Wailing dramatically, Hunk was cut off by Allura’s wrecked voice.

“We did something much worse than poison the food. We allowed Lance to leave by ejecting him into space as far as we could wormhole, randomly, and then leave him. The moment the wormhole closed, we realized what we had done. I tried to open the wormhole back up exactly where it had been, but there was no way to find exactly where it had gone. I should have stopped him, but at the time, he made so much _sense_ , how could I not _see_ what was happening?!” Allura devolved into sobs, hunching over.

I couldn’t breathe, the moment she had mentioned Lance my stomach had leapt into my throat, where my heart beat against it mercilessly. “ _Nooo_ …” I moaned, sliding to the ground as well. Everything was overwhelming, rage and fear warring emotions.

“Oh God, what did he _do_ to us?” Pidge murmured, gripping their mouth in horror.

“What? Lance is _missing_ in _space_ and you’re asking what he did to us? What the absolute fucking shit Katie?!” Shiro exploded, lunging for the smallest member of our team. I blanched, grabbing him before he could hit them, even through I wanted to hit them a little bit. However, they were the youngest, and least equipped to deal with Shiro’s rage.

Pidge puffed up, ready to defend themselves, but Hunk cut them off.

“You mean he… him… his power was…?” Hunk’s voice was quivering. “We told him… that we would help and he…? _Lance_!”

For a few seconds, everything was blurry, before slowly swimming into focus. My fear of hurting Lance going away. The hits landing but having no effect. The dreamlike happiness. The effortlessness of our existence. Shiro’s lack of flashbacks and panic attacks. The annoyance trickling away. The anger and stress melting off of me as though it couldn’t find purchase.

_He took all of it away._

Looking at Shiro, I could see he had come to the same conclusion. Our reactions were very different however.

“He’s been lying to us, stealing our emotions away- we could have been killed! We never saw a problem with any plan, it was never too risky, none of us were _worried_. He endangered _all of us!_ ” Shiro was hissing, seething, angry to the point that I almost didn’t recognize him.

“Shiro- I don’t think that’s what he meant to do- he- we knew what we were getting into when Allura told us he was a Shield. He’s been suffering for _months_ now, just taking everything- don’t you remember what he said? The more he cares about someone, the harder it is for him to-” I tried to soothe, but he cut me off.

“ _I don’t care!_ He risked the team! He risked Voltron! He risked the entire fucking fate of the universe! All because- because of what? He didn’t want us to be _normal_?” Shiro exploded, his own power as a Guide influencing the rest of us.

Agitated, I grit my teeth, trying to keep myself calm enough to be able to still use logic. “Can’t you tell he wouldn’t do that on purpose? He was just trying to help!”

“He wasn’t trying to help Keith! Just because you’re too in love with him to see differently, doesn’t mean its true!” Shiro’s words stung like a slap to the face, and I stumbled away from him.

“Shiro, silence!” Allura’s commanding voice made the air go still. We all turned to face her, my own mouth slightly open, as I had been about to retort something probably nasty, and probably something I would regret later. “You do not know that, and you do not know what he said to Coran and I when asking to leave.”

Crossing his arms, Shiro glared, waiting for Allura to elaborate. Everyone was holding their breaths, although I could see tears running freely down Hunk’s face.

“He told us that it wasn’t safe for him to be here anymore. That we had to send him as far away as possible,” Allura took a steadying breath, “I remember the look on his face. It should have alarmed me, but his power meant that I could not feel it, but remembering now… he was terrified, and ashamed, and frantic at the thought of having put everyone in danger. He specifically cited the plan to defeat Zarkon as a reason for his leaving. Do you honestly think so little of him that he would put us all in danger like you claim, knowingly?”

Shiro made a choking sound, and left the room. I wanted to follow him, but I knew he needed to be alone. Everything felt raw. Every negative emotion felt too new, like an unnatural anomaly that shouldn’t be there.

“We were supposed to help him, and we… we failed,” Hunk whispered into the silence of the bridge, falling to his knees and beginning to sob.

**LANCE’S P.O.V.**

Everything still hurt when I woke up, but I was used to that. Groaning, I sat up, rubbing at my neck. My head had yet to stop hurting, pounding painfully with every movement I had. It had taken a long time for me to move long distances without having to pause to throw up every now and then. Most of the time I kept my eyes closed, it helped keep the pain to a manageable level.

Of course there were times I had to open them, like when exploring. So far, I hadn’t discovered any predators, but that didn’t mean they didn’t exist. I used a staff to assist me when the pain behind my eyes began to black out my vision, and even became proficient in killing small animals with it, while my eyes were closed. The grasses were very noisy when the small things ran through it, and it was easy enough to pinpoint locations.

After waking up that first day, I had quickly gathered everything I had brought, and anything else I could carry that would be useful, and trekked my way as far from the crash site as my bad leg and hip could carry me. Every day I moved farther from it, never staying for longer than necessary.

At this point, I could see an end to the seemingly endless ocean of grass. What was on the other side, I had no idea, but it would be helpful to get out. Maybe there would be more food, maybe a clearer source of water. I wasn’t sure, but moving forward was the only thing I could do.

Every day the same thought plagued me. Why was I doing this? Why was I prolonging my existence here? What was the point? I would always shove it away desperately, wishing that more of me than I would like to admit agreed with the questions.

_It doesn’t matter why. I have no reason to stop either._ I would grit my teeth and continue onward, even though my hip hurt and my leg flared angrily. Maybe some small part of me wanted to keep going because I believed I would be discovered, that they would find me, would take me back after what I did to them.

A small chance, and one I liked to disregard. This is better than what I had before. My pain is my own. My suffering my own. I haven’t taken anything from anyone, not here, there was no reason to want the misery I had before. But still I wanted.

Stumbling through the grass, the staff aiding me like a crutch, I abruptly feel forward, landing harshly on the bare ground in front of me. The grass had ended, out before me stretched a barren place dotted with tall plants that could have been trees were they not so massive and brightly colored. Pausing, I wasn’t sure what to do. I had found the edge of the grasses, and could now see a different kind of shelter in the distance. But what would I do for food? Water? Would one lonely tree really be enough for my shelter?

I stepped forward unconsciously, my body accustomed now to moving forward. Shrugging helplessly, I made my way to the closest giant plant. The top of it looked like a blooming flower, but the stalk had giant leaves that stretched out almost like limbs. The petals of the flower were an ice blue, so bright I could have sworn they glowed as the stars did. The rest of the plant was darker, matching the dense brown soil that I sunk into a bit.

My back felt exposed, I felt twitchy, after being so long completely surrounded by grass taller than I was. It was annoying, I didn’t want to feel this way, I wanted to enjoy the cool breeze, and the fact that I could see farther despite how blurry everything was.

Everything would come with time.

…

Some things went with time too. The pain in my leg turned to stiffness, despite my best efforts to stretch and keep myself nimble. The pain in my head tuned down to a dull throbbing. The black splotches in my vision grew in size and frequency until I couldn’t see anything anymore. The change had alarmed me at first, but I had established myself at the base of the second largest tree-flower giant plant that I could find. I didn’t need to keep moving, and I could subsist on what the plant gave me. It was no big deal.

I wasn’t sure how long passed. There didn’t seem to be any seasons on this little planet. Only a nice, mild temperature. It never rained, and I think that was due to the fact that any moisture was successfully kept underground, a layer close enough to the surface that I didn’t have to dig far to quench my thirst.

The silence and darkness were peaceful companions that I welcomed with open arms. I would spend a long time just sitting, meditating, reaching out with my senses, the ones that remained to me at least. I could feel the fears and pain of the wildlife around me, but there was no urge in my gut to take it from them. The planet was quiet, and I liked it that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me for hurting Lance! And please don't hate me for Shiro's reaction to everything.  
> But please do tell me what you thought of this chapter!


	7. Chapter6

**SHIRO’S P.O.V.**

My anger and hurt took a long time to drain away. During that time however, Keith refused to speak with me. He didn’t blame me for my reaction, I had gotten that much out of him, but he was upset with me nonetheless. I was almost sure it had something to do with the fact that we didn’t go looking for Lance.

There wasn’t a single person that was happy with that decision. Hunk and Pidge even tried to mutiny. That ended with Pidge just leaving. They were sick of having people missing it seemed, and went to take care of it themselves. The last time they had checked in, they had found Matt, and had a few new leads on their father as well.

I was happy for them, but it still stung. The words they had flung as I stopped them from trying to force Allura’s help. I wasn’t proud of my responses either.

Without Pidge there to pilot the Green Lion, we were at a loss for a long time, until a young boy from Olkari was chosen. Things didn’t run as smoothly certainly, but we could form Voltron, and move on with our plans.

“Get it through the teleduv!” I yelled into the comms, throwing my weight behind Black’s controls. This was it, this was the moment. Everything hinged on this fight. If we failed here, we were dead.

The massive teleporter flickered to life, terrifyingly huge. Large enough to swallow a flagship. Voltron’s arms grabbed the giant Galra ship, aware we were being surrounded. Pushing, we shoved the ship through. The Teleduv was flickering. To my horror and amazement, it was completely shredding the ship, a catastrophic destruction that nothing could save it from at this point.

“Pull back!” The Teleduv’s massive size meant it had a bit too strong of a pull for my taste, especially since Voltron was so close to it’s flickering mass.

The other ships around us had stopped fighting as we pulled away, the main ship completely destroyed. Zarkon was dead. In his place would be a giant power vacuum, as Voltron we would have to muscle our way through, and destroy anyone that didn’t align with the policy of ‘let’s not enslave the universe’.

…

“Keith, can we please talk?” I pleaded, catching his wrist gently. Keith froze, but refused to look at me still. “I just… I miss you… can we please try again?” I asked him, pulling Keith’s smaller body to my own.

“No,”Keith replied, cold. “Not without Lance. You might have forgotten that promise we made each other before we confessed to him, but I haven’t. It isn’t worth us two being together if Lance isn’t able to come through the door at any moment and join us.” Stepping away from me, Keith left the room, colder than I had ever remembered seeing him.

There was nothing I could do. Lance was… gone. The likelihood of us ever finding him again were pretty much zero. Not to mention Lance could already be dead for all we knew. _I don’t think I ever want to know._

A knock startled me from my musings. Hunk stood there, a grim expression on his face.

“Yes?” I asked, concerned. I gestured for him to enter, and he did so. We were alone in the conference room, I had been spending a lot of time in there with Allura and the rest of the team as we strategized on how best to restructure the galaxy, meeting with different political leaders.

“Pidge says they found something. Since Voltron isn’t really needed to be a team anymore, I’m going to join them. I can’t function like this anymore, and I know the rest of this team can’t either. Scratch that, this isn’t even a team anymore. The only reason I stayed is because I knew you guys couldn’t replace me that easily.” His peace being said, Hunk turned to leave the room.

“Wait! You can’t just leave-“

“Yeah I can, and I should have left with Pidge. Maybe then it wouldn’t have taken almost two years to find him. I respect you as a leader Shiro, but I love Lance more than I love you.” Hunk growled, continuing out the door.

…

The castle felt so empty. I sat alone in my room, staring at the blackness where my ceiling was. The low hum of power that ran through the ship at all times was the only noise I could perceive. Keith had left too, with Hunk. I could tell Coran and Allura wanted to go with them both, but resisted since there was still a lot of work to do.

They went radio silent.

**LANCE’S P.O.V. **

My body shivered uncontrollably. I clutched my shoulders, curling up tighter. I was too weak to fight them off, and now I was stuck in some ship, going who knows where. The thought was terrifying, and I felt tears run down my face. The attackers were wounded themselves, and very very afraid. What they were afraid of, I couldn’t pry out of them, at least, not in a language I understood. That was the problem, they might not even be able to understand me, they might think something horrible about me that wasn’t true. This whole thing could be a misunderstanding.

The rickety ship shuddered, and I felt myself bump against the cold floor. Gritting my teeth, I supposed I would simply have to bear it.

…

Being dragged from the ship lead to no new clues as to what was happening around me. Either the beings refused to talk, or growled at me. The last time I had spoken in protest, I had felt the sharp tip of something digging into my back.

Without warning or grace, I was tossed to the ground. Immediately I curled up, shielding myself as best as I could. My stiff leg didn’t quite cooperate, and therefore I was certain I looked like an idiot. But I probably did anyway. I hadn’t had a decent bath in a long time. _How long had I been alone anyway?_

“What is this creature you bring before me?” A cool, smooth voice finally spoke. I flinched, curling tighter.

There was a growl, and a set of footsteps marched past me, probably to whoever had spoken.

“He had this on him? How did you even trace the signal?”

_Signal? Did he mean…? The communicator Allura had made me bring?_ I knew I still had it, but I didn’t think I had it on.

“We just happened to be in the area, and the ship picked it up. Ezor said it was probably some kind of ancient remnant, but Narti was certain it was recent enough to warrant checking out.” A smooth feminine voice replied, and I wanted to balk in anger. These people had completely understood me! And they had ignored me!

I must have made a sound, because the next words I was sure were directed at me.

“And how was it you came to be there in the first place?”

The female voice from before answered him first. “We found a crashed pod, same tech. We’ve checked him over though, he isn’t an Altean.”

“That much is obvious Acxa, how he got it though is what I’m interested in. Only one place has that tech, and the last I heard, they still had all the pilots for Voltron. So, how did you come by it?” The smooth male voice was asking me again, and I was frightened. How did he know so much? What do I tell him? It was almost obvious that he wasn’t a friend, but that didn’t automatically make him a foe.

Reaching inside him, I found his pain. He tried to keep a cool façade, but I knew how worried and anxious he was. Searching, I licked my lips, uncurling from my position on the floor so I could make an attempt at looking at him.

“I can take it for you,” I murmured, my voice still weak from not using it for my duration on the mint planet. The half-baked instinctual plan forming in my mind was the only option I could think of that would keep me alive reliably.

“I beg your pardon?” “Answer him! Prince Lotor asked you a direct question!” Acxa barked, right as this Prince Lotor spoke. There were a few growls, and I sensed Lotor’s unease.

“Your pain, anxiety, worry. I can take it for you. Not all the time, because they’re a driving force for you, but when you need it.” I continued, lifting my head higher.

Silence.

“Let me show you,” I rasped, reaching out with my power. It wasn’t an urge thankfully, so I could take as much or little as I wanted without worrying that it would pour into me. Maybe to prove to him it was real though, I would have to strip him of it. Humming, I did just that, groaning at the sheer amount of it. This man had issues, or he was really old, one of the two. He didn’t sound old, but voices could be deceiving.

Prince Lotor groaned as I did, and must have made some kind of other motion. A blade was at my throat immediately, pressing tightly against the skin.

“What. Did. You. Do? Undo it!” Acxa hissed, her panic rising.

“Release him,” Lotor’s voice was steady, and I continued to suck any worry away, whining at the feeling. Whether this man had started off friend or foe, surely he would be friend at this point.

The knife pressed harder for a moment before being removed entirely. I was grateful, sucking in a breath I didn’t know I had been holding.

“How is that?” I asked, attempting to grin. I wasn’t sure how well that turned out, Acxa’s emotions soured once again.

“How are you able to do that?” Lotor shot back, somehow still holding onto the steel. I released some of the negative emotions, feeding them back to him in a slow trickle.

“I was born with this ability. Everyone on my planet has some kind of power involving emotions. I don’t know why we evolved like that, but its how we are.” I answered, still feeding him back the negative. I felt exhausted, I hadn’t taken on someone else’s pain in too long, my body might have been built for it, but without exercising the power, I had grown weak to how much I could take. My hands were shaking, soon enough my entire body shook with exertion.

“Fascinating…” Lotor murmured, shifting in his seat.

“Sir?” Another female voice joins in, this one higher in pitch, and decidedly more girly. She’s concerned, but also probably curious.

“Ezor, help him up. Be gentle.” Lotor pauses, thinking. Ezor, I’m guessing the new voice, helps me to my feet. Her hands are incredibly gentle, bearing a great deal of my weight as I shake and lean against her. 

“Hey there… don’t cry. Don’t worry, Prince Lotor isn’t like the other Galra… we’ll take care of you here,” she murmured soothingly. Her words had me stiffen for a moment. Galra? _The growls…_

_Oh god, what have I done?_

…

He took me up on my offer, ordering Ezor to escort me to a room. It wasn’t overly large, but it clearly wasn’t a prison cell.

“Do you like it?” Ezor giggled, and I couldn’t tell if she was mocking me or not. Up until this point, she had been very comforting, a bubbly presence so care-free I had trouble sensing any pain within her.

Quirking an eyebrow, I tilted my head in her direction. “Was that a trick question?” I asked, my voice thankfully stronger now.

Silence.

I sighed, “I can’t see anything. I lost my eyesight.” I deadpanned, my heart lurching at the pang of pity and sadness in her. “But don’t worry, I think it’ll be fine.”

“So you mean, you had no idea who was taking you from that home you made?” She asked quietly, sadness seeping into her like rain slowly soaks cloth.

“Yeah, or who threw me in the brig, or dragged me out, or what anyone looks like.” I sighed, feeling along the wall. My bad leg was like a deadweight, and my good one wouldn’t hold me up for much longer. To my surprise, Ezor’s hands touched my back, gently guiding me down to the bed.

“I’m sorry, we shouldn’t have treated you like that. Zethrid was under orders to bring back anything that might answer Lotor’s questions about the Altean tech.” Her soft voice was apologetic, and she began to rub soothing circles on my back.

“It’s okay, I don’t blame you guys.” Ezor hummed as she continued to rub my back. “Can I ask a question?”

“I think that’s fair,” she giggled, not stopping the soothing motions.

“Who is Prince Lotor? You mentioned Galra, but… I’ve never met a Galra that doesn’t shoot first and ask questions later,” I told her, reaching up and rubbing at my head. The headache had come back full-force, throbbing painfully against my skull. I finished releasing Lotor’s pain, almost sagging at the weight gone from me.

“You really haven’t heard? Well, I suppose it isn’t improbable. It looks like you’ve been on that planet a long time…” she murmured, falling silent for a moment. “Emperor Zarkon was defeated almost two years ago. Lotor is his son, heir to the empire. He has been trying to negotiate with Voltron as to why he should be allowed to fill the vacuum that Emperor’s death left in the Galra empire.” Ezor hissed exactly like a cat, and I imagined her Galra ears were flat against her head.

“But they are being obstinate. They don’t believe his vision for the empire is real. As long as I have known him, his vision has been the same. He wants to stop expanding the empire, and return control of conquered planets to their own governments. Of course, they will answer to him, but he abhors the bloody and senseless fighting.” Her voice grew in strength, the hiss a background noise. I was impressed she could hold the noise while still speaking clearly.

“He doesn’t want to destroy the universe?” It was a lot to take in honestly. Had I really been found by Galra that wasn’t evil and bent on domination? Zarkon’s own son didn’t want to follow in his father’s footsteps? But why?

“Of course not, what would be left to rule? He doesn’t want to waste more resources on war and subjugation. Emperor Zarkon wasted ten thousand years worth of them. Lotor wishes to rule over his people, not ashes.” She giggled again, her hands unfortunately removing themselves as she stood from where she had sat down.

“Well then, I have to get back to my duties, Acxa will come get you when its time for dinner, or something. We’ll work things out tomorrow no doubt. Now rest,” She cooed, leaving the room. A soft whoosh let me know she was gone, and I collapsed onto the bed, holding my pounding head.

Rest sounded good about now.

…

I settled into a routine quickly enough. One of Lotor’s generals, Ezor, Narti, Zethrid, or Acxa would come fetch me for a meal, and I would listen as they mostly discussed inane subjects. Lotor would usually mention something about Voltron, probably testing me to see if I knew anything.

I wasn’t ready to reveal to them exactly who I was yet. I wasn’t sure what would happen if I did. So I kept mostly quiet, pretending to merely be someone who had heard of the legend. Then at the end of the day, as Prince Lotor was getting ready to retire, I would sit in his room and take away every pain he had.

“How did you lose your sight? Ezor told me it was lost, not something that had affected you since birth.” Lotor cut through my musings with his cool tone, his emotions betraying nothing.

“Oh, when I crashed on the mint planet, I hit my head really hard. My vision started to go slowly after that. My hip was pretty fucked up too, but it was nothing compared to my head. I’m just lucky my skull didn’t split open. Probably fractured in a few places.” I shrugged, “Luckily I didn’t lose my sight outright. Gave me time to adjust my hunting and space.” I explained, reclining back in the chair I sat in.

His room was spacious, that much I could tell. The few chairs inside were incredibly comfortable, and I liked to position myself so my legs were thrown over one of the armrests. The stretch was delicious, if a bit painful. I welcomed a mix of my own pain to prevent myself from drowning in his.

The room was quiet. He felt bad for me, and a sour emotion I couldn’t quite pic up on. There was some rustling  and then Lotor’s voice sounded right in front of me. I flinched back in surprise.

“We might be able to fix that. I am not sure about your vision returning, but at least we could fix your leg.” He offered, voice blank. I imagined his expression would be calculating, furry Galra features scrunched up.

Tilting my head, I tried not to let my hope show. “How?” Fixing by Galra standards could mean that I would be affixed with prosthetics, and from what I remember Shiro saying, it had been the most excruciating experience of his life.

“We have a pod that could help, it would at least ascertain the extent of your injuries. We could provide further options from there.” He replied, voice careful.

His negative emotions and pains gone, I couldn’t really doubt his sincerity. But that still didn’t mean I could fully trust him just like that.

“Why?” I asked. He was smart, he knew the risks of healing me fully. While I knew I wasn’t a prisoner, it was clear to me I wasn’t free to leave. At full health, with my sight and both legs working, I could be a formidable foe, especially since he might not be expecting _how_ formidable.

“You… I know that you offered this to save your own skin, but every night you take this pain from me so that I can sleep peacefully. That is no small thing Lance, and I know it is painful for you to do so.” He sounded so close, and so gentle.

“I… it’s what I was made for,” I gulped. “On my planet- home planet- people like me are not people. We are found early, and given to someone rich enough to pay for it. We are supposed to be taught that our needs don’t matter, only so long as our wielder is free of pain. I Shield, taking the pain from those I care about, taking it on as my own. The more I care, the harder it is to resist Shielding them from every hurt.” My voice was no more than a whisper, but I was sure Lotor heard it.

He recoiled as though I had slapped him. His footsteps carried him away from me, but he said nothing.

I didn’t know what to do, so I continued to hold in his pain, removing anything new that came into being. He was hurt by my words for some reason, a hurt borne of loneliness so deep I feared it would crush me if I were to take all of it inside of myself.

“You do this… because you believe you are forced to?” Lotor finally spoke, his voice calm, calculating, curious.

“No, I do this, because I am forced to. My instincts do not give me a choice.”

“Is that why you left Voltron?”

I froze, heart thudding too loudly in the silence his words left behind. How could he know? I had been careful, I had made sure not to let it slip that I knew as much as I did.

“Did they use you in battle? Did they force you to take their pain while they continued to fight?” He continued to question, voice getting closer. “Are they the reason that you fled them? Crash landing on a barren planet and going blind?” He whispered now, his voice so close I was sure he was mere inches away.

“H-h-how could…?” I stuttered, eyes filling with tears.

“The pod, the Altean tech. Only the Castle of Lions still has those in working order. I know that the Champion is among them, and you and him share a likeness of species. I assumed that when he returned to his planet, and suddenly Voltron showed up, that he must have brought back people from his home world. Were you his Shield?” Lotor asked, his voice pitying and kind. His breath brushed against my face, and then his fingers were drying away my tears. They felt like velvet.

“N-no I- I wasn’t- I was- I wasn’t…” I bit my lip hard. Fear coursed through my veins. What is the right choice? What do I say? “It was my choice-“

“You just said that your instincts do not allow you the luxury of choice.” Lotor cut in, voice hardened.

I gulped. “I was lucky. My mama found out about my power before anyone else could notice, and helped me hide it. She taught me different coping mechanisms… but… when I found Blue, and was made a Paladin it got harder to use them. My team- team they- I care so much about them- I took everything. I took too much- I kept taking until I realized what I had done. I was afraid of myself, of what I had done to them. It- I had practically _drugged them_ , my second family- it was too dangerous for me to be around anymore. I left. I got as far away as possible, and I stayed.” My voice was breaking, tears pouring faster down my cheeks. “I had to abandon my family to protect them from myself, I had to abandon _two_ families full of people who loved me, because I was too dangerous.”

“They probably still hate me,” I whispered, attempting to curl in on myself. Lotor’s hands stopped me, gently pushing my knees down. In one smooth motion, he had gathered me into his arms, sitting down in the now empty seat.

I was choked into silence, trembling in his arms. Lotor didn’t speak for long moments.

“Blue… you were the Blue Paladin of Voltron.” Beginning to rub circles into my back, his voice was soothing, and filled with wonder. “All this time, I have had a Paladin of Voltron treated as a servant in my home. I…” He trailed off, and I wasn’t sure what he was thinking. “I don’t blame you for not telling me sooner, I wish you had, but I understand why you would not trust a Galra with such information. Especially when you believe your only purpose to be soothing me to sleep.”

His words confused me, but I didn’t interrupt him. This was important for him to say. Instead of absorbing his pain, I allowed him to feel it, old habits kicking in.

Lotor sucked in a breath, letting it out in a warm rush across my face. “My whole life I heard whispered stories of the might of Voltron, and recently I have even been privileged to face them in battle. Voltron is an awesome sight, and though we were defeated, I came away greatly respecting them.” He sighed, rubbing a hand across his face, adjusting me in his grip. “Knowing what I know now, it changes little. I just wonder… how much more formidable would Voltron be with you back among its ranks?” He mused, beginning to gently rock me.

I wasn’t sure what to say to him, I didn’t know him well enough to tell what he was thinking through voice alone. I would need my eyes for that.

“Let me know tomorrow if you would like to be put in the pod to be assessed. For now, you may sleep here for the night.” Lotor murmured, rising. Scrambling for purchase, I clung to his neck, feeling the velvet skin and long flowing hair. Very different from other Galra. Why did he look so different?

I felt his hold on me change, and he was leaning down, placing me on his soft bed. I curled up slightly, grabbing hold of the pillow at my head and pulling it. Lotor chuckled, and I felt his weight dip the other side of the bed, his much longer body getting comfortable beside mine. His warm body settled in, and so did I, relaxing into the softness.


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! I've been unfortunately low on spoons recently, so I gotta save 'em up for my important daily tasks. But worry not! The seventh chapter is here! This one focuses less on our lovely Lance, and flits a little more between everyone, trying to give a good perspective of what exactly is going on.

“So? What’s the verdict doc? How much longer do I have?” I joked weakly, sitting and twiddling my thumbs nervously. My legs swung gently, and my back was hunched. I sat on an examination table. One of Lotor’s doctors, and Lotor himself, had helped me into the pod that had scanned how bad the injury was. 

Currently the doctor was humming to himself, probably looking through the readings. I bit my lip in worry, my hands moving down to the hem of my shirt. Continuing to fidget, my anxiety mounted with each passing moment. I cast my thoughts back to waking up with Lotor holding me. Slowly I had fed his pain back to him, allowing his body to adjust before settling down again. He had been gentle still when he woke up, something I certainly hadn’t been expecting.

Trust that the only time I let my mind wander, the doctor was calling my name. “Mr. McClain? Hello? Oh great, we destroyed his brain, I told you my Prince, that pod was not meant for-”

“Hmm? Sorry, my mind was wandering,” I interrupted, snapping to attention. “So? What’s the outlook?” I asked, eager, yet afraid. What if he said that there was nothing he could do except prosthetics? Should I even say yes to that?

“Well, you had suffered a severe concussion that has had lasting effects, such as migraines, and trouble focusing, as well as the blindness. There is a large lump in the back of your skull, where I am guessing you hit it?” He asked, not really pausing long enough for me to reply. “The ball of your hip snapped off inside your pelvic bone, so you have essentially been walking on a dislocated and broken hip. Your ankle has mended stress fractures.” The doctor finished, sighing out.

“Okay,” I took a shuddering breath, and felt Lotor’s large hand on my shoulder.

“And what can be done?” He asked, careful.

“Well, we cannot fix the hip without the use of a prosthetic, or implant. That should be relatively easy, the only problem being we would have to custom make one for you, since you are so much smaller. The head injury… I am not certain it would be wise for me to try to fix it. I do not know how different your brain chemistry is, and if I tamper too much, it could very well kill you. What I can do, is cut into the skull, and allow the lump to drain away. Hopefully that will relieve some of the pain, and maybe your eyes with come back as well?” The doctor sighed, sounding tired. “It is entirely up to you what we do,”

I nodded. “I… I want to try. I want to be able to move my leg correctly, I want to stop having these headaches, and if at all possible… I want to see… so badly…” My words tapered off, and I hunched my shoulders again, reaching up and gently pressing a few fingers to the lump at the base of my skull.

No one said anything for a while, I guessed that Lotor and the doctor were exchanging glances, speaking silently without me knowing.

“Very well, we will begin immediately.” The doctor grunted, bustling about the room, their feet making scuffling sounds.

…

Everything was purple. It was strange in a sense, that that fact wasn’t obvious to me. All Galra ships were purple, there was no reason to expect this one to be any different. Except for some reason, I did. Maybe though that had more to do with the fact I was surprised I could see at all.

Lotor’s doctor had worked a miracle it seemed, and I could see again! It was so exciting and terrifying that I had screamed like a child when I had first opened them to find my eyes receiving color again. Lotor and Ezor had come bursting into my room, one right after the other, clearly concerned. I was touched honestly.

Lotor and his Generals looked absolutely _nothing_ like how I had thought. Zethrid was the only one that really looked Galra at all. The only thing really Galra about the rest of them, was their purple skin. Except Ezor, her skin was a puzzling mottled bright hue that I couldn’t quite characterize. Lotor looked nothing like I had thought he would, and even sharply reminded me of Allura.

He looked like Allura had in her Galra disguise, albeit his skin was lighter, more like lavender. I wasn’t sure whether or not I should mention this fact to him, so I kept it silent. No point in bringing it up to stir the pot.

Now that I could walk and see properly, I had requested to be trained. I would be way off my game, but at least I could be doing something to let off this physical energy coursing through me. Ezor had agreed to be my teacher, and almost surprised me at how adept she was at several different fighting styles. The long, whip-like appendage on the back of her head also helped her quite a bit, and she giggled every time I said something about it.

I hadn’t thought of going back to Voltron, not on my own. Lotor had quietly asked me if that was why I wanted to be trained. So I could go back to them. The thought bugged me. Was he right? Was I really only doing this because I secretly wanted to go back to the team I had left? But the thought of going back to them was painful, and I was afraid. Plus, right here with Lotor was warm and safe, and the Galra were proud people, who saw pain as a badge of honor. It wasn’t easy for my instincts to work around them. Where was the downside to staying?

Biting my lip, I looked up at Lotor, noting his carefully blank eyes. “I don’t know, I don’t think it is? I just feel… like I could be doing more,” I replied, murmuring in concentration.

“The Blue Lion calls to you, does she? I wonder what has happened to her secondary pilot that she would call so insistently.” Lotor mused, confusing the fuck out of me.

“Blue? What do you mean she calls me? I haven’t heard her voice in… I guess over two years, since I went through that wormhole.” I tilted my head to the side, arching a brow when he smiled.

“I have no doubt that is what you are feeling. We have been negotiating with Voltron for the past month and a half. We orbit the same planet, and go down for these peace talks. It is only natural that the Blue Lion would call out for her perfect fit.” His words made heat crawl up my neck and cheeks. I looked away, down at our clasped hands in my lap.

Lotor had taken to holding me while I sat and he relaxed, going mostly boneless on the couch beneath me. It was adorable, and a little concerning. Did he trust me so much?

…

“I… I would like to see them.” Shuffling my feet, I stood before Lotor and his generals, who were preparing to leave for more negotiations.

Acxa tensed, growling low. “Absolutely not, they cannot know that you are even here. They do not trust us as it is, seeing you with us would only make them think the worst.”

“But if I explain to them what happened-“

“Lance,” Lotor’s voice cut me off, cold and flat. “I know that you wish to see them again, but please wait until we have finished negotiating with them. I fear Acxa is correct, they see me as an enemy that they don’t know what to do with. If we give them a reason, even one that is false, their tenuous trust in me will be broken.”

I bit my lip, studying his expression. He was worried for me, and for the peace talks to go well. “I can help…” I whispered. A sudden longing had taken me to see them, to let them know that I was okay. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I could do this, that I could be useful.

“Lance…” Lotor’s face softened slightly, and he moved closer, cupping my cheek in his large velvety hand. “I know that you probably could help, but, I cannot risk it. My people need this peace treaty. I cannot sacrifice more lives.”

His words stung, but I knew he meant them well. _I could screw up everything he has worked hard for if I interfered. It would be worse than catastrophic._ Bowing my head, I nodded, acquiescing.

“Thank you,” he breathed, “I promise, the moment the treaty is signed, you will see them again. I promise.” Turning back to his generals, he made sure the last of the preparations were made, before bidding me a farewell. “We shall be back by dinner, don’t worry," 

“I won’t.”

**PIDGE’S P.O.V.**

I let out a scream of rage. Keith and Hunk jumped, startled. We had found the ship Lance had taken. It had crashed on a barren planet. But he wasn’t here. I had run bio-scanners across the entire planet- _twice_ \- pleading with the universe that they were wrong.

The three of us had finally stumbled across a small makeshift home at the base of a giant flower tree thing. Clearly Lance _had_ been here, but now he was gone. By the looks of things, it hadn’t been the most peaceful leaving either. 

“Who has him?” I hissed, gritting my teeth in anger. Keith looked equally angry, but far less equipped to do something about it. He was pacing inside the little space Lance had called home for probably two years. I estimated that it had been fairly recent that he had been removed from his home here. Within the last six months at least. Although I had no idea how correct that assessment was, what with how little I knew about the fauna of the planet we stood on. 

Hunk was dejected, kicking at a small stone. “How are we going to find him now?”

“I don’t know! But we have to think, who would take him, and why?” I asked, turning my emotions off like a light switch. After two years here, he would have looked very different, but that didn’t mean much. Someone could have come across the planet for some reason or another, and found a basically defenseless person. Depending on who found him would change every single different place that Lance could possibly be.

“Slavers? He has an attractive body, and if they figure out what he can do, he would fetch a good price on the black market. Galra? I’m not certain they would recognize the space craft he crashed in, but even then.” I mused aloud, heedless of the retching sounds Hunk made.

“But the Galra are trying to negotiate a peace treaty with us-“ I cut Hunk off with a wave of my hand.

“That means nothing. Prince Lotor might be the new Emperor, but his empire is divided and ravaged by civil war. Even if he knows nothing about it, we should warn Allura that someone might come forward with him as a hostage.” Gripping my chin, I thought harder. “We could attend one of the talks, and try to figure out if Lotor knows something. Come on guys, we won’t find anything of use here.” I began to walk away, back to where I had parked my own pod.

“What about these footprints?” Keith asked, thoughtful.

I whipped around, looking where he was kneeling next to a few sets of odd prints. Hunk was already there, gently touching the edge of one. They had two large toes sticking out, with a slightly elongated heel that I had only seen a few times.

“What are the odds that that footprint belongs to that blind lackey Lotor has?” I murmured, equally thoughtful. I was sure that her footprints were not common, since she was a hybrid, but there was always the possibility of being wrong in these things.

Keith looked ready to kill something. “Let’s go.” 

**SHIRO’S P.O.V.**

Something felt off. I had no idea what to even point to, but something felt off. It set my teeth on edge, and the hairs on the back of my neck on end. Lotor was up to something, him or one of his generals. The five Galra hybrids sat across from myself, Allura, Coran, and a few other dignitaries. The dignitaries were not being very dignified, and I could tell that Lotor was incredibly aggravated by that. But I also couldn’t really bring myself to care, considering he was the current Emperor of a race that had been waging war -and winning- against the entire universe for more than ten thousand years.

Something didn’t feel right to me, and I was determined to see what that was.

Waving my hand, I cut off whatever the current dignitary was snobbishly proposing, probably some kind of war reparation that, while probably reasonable to them, would be impossible for the Galra to fulfill. They stopped talking immediately, and all eyes were on me. Being the leader of Voltron had its perks sometimes. Allura’s eyes were curious, questioning why I had stopped them.

“Lotor, I don’t want to beat around the bush with you. Something is off today, what are you hiding?” I asked, point-blank. The other dignitaries gasped in fear, a few of the bodyguards clenching their weapons even as they shrunk back. Allura sat up straighter, looking concerned now. Thank god she trusted my instincts, otherwise this would not have gone over very well.

I could tell that the pale lavender of Lotor’s skin got even paler at my words, and the rest of his generals bristled at the accusation.

“Excuse you? What makes you think we’re hiding _anything_ -“ The one that looked more indigo than anything hissed, darker indigo hair flopping in her face as she sat forward, baring her teeth aggressively. Lotor had cut her off with a look, and she retreated back into her seat, cowed.

Taking in a deep breath probably to calm himself, Lotor answered me. “I apologize if I have been tense this meeting. Having to face the consequences of my father’s decisions is not a very relaxing matter. While I understand the animosity for the Galra race, may I remind you that it was _my idea_ to hold these talks? I am interested in peace, but that does not mean that accusations and insults will be tolerated.” Lotor was talking through gritted teeth, and his eyes slid from mine to meet the others in the room. “We Galra are not calling for peace because we have to. If I had a mind to, I could continue right on with this bloody war. Do. Not. Underestimate. Us.” He growled, fangs flashing.

“Now, I will give you my terms, and you will either accept, or deny them. I am tired of these bargaining games.” He sighed, suddenly weary. His moods were giving me whiplash with how fast they seemed to shift. Underneath it all however, I could feel his calculating gaze. Nothing he said was said without being carefully thought out beforehand. “We will stop trying to conquer the universe. We will return the conquered governance back over to their own people, but they will remain under our control. The governors will be vassals, and treated as such. Any form of slavery will be abolished, and slaves will be returned to their home planets. We will pay back for any stolen goods in the name of war, by not stealing anything more.” Standing, Lotor looked coldly at the rest of us.

His generals stood smoothly after him, all of them glaring at us. Except the one with the cat, but I felt as though she were seeing into my very soul nonetheless.

“Those are my terms. You have twenty-four hours to think over my proposal. When I return tomorrow, you will either acquiesce to these terms, or we shall return to war. And I do not think you will continue your recent success as Voltron.” Lotor’s voice was cold, but there was something in his voice that made my blood run cold. _Why was he so certain of that fact? We hadn’t let anyone know we were missing anyone. Was there someone working for him with us? But that’s impossible, only Allura, Coran, and I remain on the castleship. The mice would be the only ones left to betray us, and only Allura could understand them._

I almost missed him and his generals leaving, stunned into silence as I was. Another fact bubbled to the surface as the door slid shut behind them. _He never really answered my question. He’s still hiding something._ Looking to Allura, she looked pale and shaken, as if she had figured something out.

The dignitaries were frozen on either side of us. Taking the lead, I stood up. “Well? Those terms are probably the best we’re going to get. Retire for now, and we’ll discuss tomorrow morning what to do about this.” I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose. The room slowly emptied, Allura and Coran being the only two that remained before long.

“Shiro? What do you think it could be that he is hiding?” Allura asked, biting her lip. She stood, beginning to pace. Coran stood as well, leaning against the table and frowning.

“I don’t know, but I do know that we aren’t going to like it. What do you think of his proposal Princess?” I asked, weary.

She curled her lip in disgust. “I figured he would pull something like this. However…” biting her lip, Allura looked at Coran pleadingly. He seemed to consider for a moment before nodding. “I think… I think they should agree. Over time, we may be able to get a better deal, but I think this is a good start. We can have the treaty written loose enough that we can go and add things, but make sure that it is still binding enough for the Galra to not be able to wiggle out of it. Coran? Could you draw something up before we convene tomorrow morning?”

Coran nodded, and bowed, leaving the room.

Sighing again, I slumped a bit.

“Any news from the rest of them?” Allura asked softly, coming to rest her hand on my shoulder. I shook my head, rubbing at my temples. A headache was definitely starting to form. “Do not worry, I am confident they are merely retrieving Lance as we speak.”

There were blips from the computer screen at the end of the room, and suddenly Pidge’s face filled the monitor. They looked determined, and angry.

“ _Shiro? Allura? Is Lotor still on the ship?_ ” They asked, voice staticky over the comms.

“No, he and his generals left only a little while ago,” I replied, curious. Why did Pidge want to know if Lotor was here? What did that have to do with Lance? A sick feeling grew in my gut as Pidge’s face twisted, and I could hear Keith cursing in the background. “Why? Pidge what’s going on?” I demanded.

“ _I have reason to believe that Lotor and his generals have Lance_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay Lance can see again! Who saw that coming? Well, I couldn't just leave him blind, sorry if any of y'all wanted me to. I'm sure I can write a whole story where he does go blind, or has always been blind or something of that manner. 
> 
> Hmmm, is Lotor planning something? Or is it just as he said to Lance? Is he hiding something? What will Voltron do thanks to Pidge's news?
> 
> Anyway, tell me what you thought please! I love seeing y'all's reviews!


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry, school started and I've been bogged down with work and health issues. I'll be posting a few chapters in payment.  
> Please enjoy!

**LANCE’S P.O.V.**

Lotor was even more tense than usual when he arrived back. His face still softened when he saw me, but the lines around his eyes remained, his lips in a tight line. I grimaced myself as I felt the wave of anxiety and frustration.

“Hey…” I murmured, taking his hand. “I’m guessing something went wrong today?” I asked gently, rubbing small circles on the back of it. He shook his head vigorously, rubbing at a temple with his free hand.

“It was really more of the same, but the Black Paladin seemed to think something was off with me. I am tired of no one trusting me.” Lotor was growling, his normally pleasant voice distorted by the angry vocalization. “I have given no indication that there could be even anything _remotely_ suspect with my behavior, and he has the gall to accuse me in front of everyone as though I had not earned the right to be asked in private.”

It was clear that Lotor was still seething, so I attempted to cool him down, just barely taking the edge off of things.

“Don’t worry about it, being twisted and turned into the Champion has most likely made it difficult for him to be civil around other Galra, especially since they’ve spent literal years fighting against them. I’m sure things will be better tomorrow,” At my words, Acxa and Ezor stiffened a bit, a mixture of fear and guilt coursing through them. Lotor felt mostly guilty, but tried to shove it away. He knew I could feel his guilt.

“What?” I breathed, “What happened? What aren’t you telling me?”

Lotor heaved a sigh, gritting his teeth in irritation. “I gave them all an ultimatum. Either they agree to my terms, or we continue and resume the war.”

The words hit me like a tonne of brick, and I stumbled back from him a few paces, releasing his negative emotions with a snap. He hissed, holding his head slightly, as though I had struck him. Pleadingly, his eyes met mine.

“Lance, listen to me, they are fair terms. But- but if I did nothing, and allowed those _dignitaries_ ,” He sneered the word, as though the very thought disgusted him, “-to drone on and on, the negotiations would never come to an end. I had to take the chance, I gave them more than fair terms! But on my honor as the Emperor of the Galra empire, I could not allow them to insult me and my people further. My own people would not respect me if they were to learn of such a thing.” Lotor was speaking frantically, and my brain was struggling to keep up with his words.

“My hold on the Galra empire is tenuous as it is, I cannot risk such a thing, not for pleasantries for those who wish us all dead.” Tone bitter, Lotor finally slowed down, grasping my hands desperately.

“I- I don’t- I’m-“ I stuttered, tugging at my trapped appendages. He was squeezing too tightly, as though he were afraid that I would disappear into smoke should he release me. Thoughts too fast to process whirled in my head. His logic made sense, honestly, I could tell that it did, but… threatening to restart the war? To continue the bloodshed he had sworn to me over and over that he hated so much? Was he bluffing? But then what would happen if the dignitaries refused his terms? He would have to restart the war, they would most likely even attack first. But…

Tears glistened in my eyes, and I finally managed to tug free of his grip. “I need to think. I’ll still be in your rooms to help you wind down, but… I need to think.” I whimpered, staggering away. Turning, I sprinted from the room, the whoosh of the door closing behind me a comfort.

…

Lotor said nothing as we sat together. Normally I hated silence, but I needed it right now. My head felt too full, my emotions too unstable. He still held me, tenderly, as though I would break like finely spun glass. His body was warm and comfortable to lay against. Idly I played with his hair, not really focusing on it. I held in his negativity, and sighed silently, closing my eyes.

Now wasn’t a good time to try to think clearly on things. My mind was clouded with pain and fear and worry and such a heavy burden of loneliness I was constantly aware of, even if I wasn’t on the same ship as him. It was deep enough to drown in, and not for the first time, I wondered at its origins. The way it felt, the loneliness must have started at an early age. Understandable, considering he was the only child of the tyrant of the universe. Even the company of his generals, who he seemed to trust completely, didn’t lessen it by much. If anything, I seemed to be the only presence he felt anything overwhelmingly positive towards.

_This is going to turn into Keith and Shiro again… isn’t it?_ That small, dark voice in the back of my mind whispered, fearful, trembling in a way I knew I only did when I was about to cry. _Oh_. I hadn’t even thought about that. But it’s what seemed like was happening, right? Keith and Shiro, my crushes forever, had mostly ignored me, until I started taking everything from them on a constant basis. When I was like this with Lotor… he was so snuggly, and more open about things.

_You’re setting yourself up for heartbreak again. You weren’t meant for this, to fall in love. Leave. Leave and make sure you can’t be followed._ My heart wrenched in my chest, and I bit my lip hard, not noticing that I had crumpled my fist, Lotor’s hair still in its grip.

“Lance?” He asked, voice quiet, reserved, as though he were waiting for some kind of punishment.

Shaking myself, I blinked furiously, trying to get the tears to go away before they fell. “Ignore me, sorry. Still thinking.” I replied stiffly, more so than I meant to. Lotor cringed back, but relaxed as I siphoned off his hurt at my words.

“Take all the time you need, I promise, even if they reject my proposal, I will not attack them with you on this ship.” He leaned forward, kissing the top of my head. “That is enough for tonight, go on back to your room. If things go well tomorrow, you’ll be able to see your friends before you know it.” Smiling, he let me slide from his lap, his hands trailing slowly from my body.

I shuddered at the light contact, longing for more. _I can’t have this, it will only mess everything up again._

…

He left in the morning as usual. I held my breath. I hadn’t slept much the night before, trying to plan, and mostly failing at how I would leave. It took time to dope everyone up as badly as I had my team members, time I did not have if I wanted to stop as many negative consequences as I wanted.

Standing in the hangar with my hands on my hips, I shifted from foot to foot, frowning. Which one to take? None of them looked like something I could really fly, much less that Lotor wouldn’t be able to trace immediately. My worrying was cut off as an alarm began to blare. I leapt back, scrambling to get away as the hangar doors were blasted open.

Thankfully we weren’t in space, or I would be a very dead Lance. _Now there’s a thought…_ shaking my head rapidly as if to clear the unwanted thoughts, I hid and poked my head out to see what had happened. Familiar emotions washed over me, and I began to panic. They poured into my body, and I bit back a groan as I was filled to bursting with worry fear anger pain fear pain anger worry worry _hatred_.

Collapsing to my knees, I tried to suck in breaths that would support the rest of my body working. Pidge, Hunk, and Keith stood stock-still, and their anger and fear tried to consume me. I whined low in my throat, hand clasped over my mouth to muffle any sound. They can’t find me. If they find me, they’ll blame Lotor, and then everything will be ruined and it’ll be _my fault_.

Forcing myself to not gag, I shoved the emotions back at them, trying my best to forget my family was stalking towards the exit to the hangar, closer to where I was hiding than I was comfortable with them being. Trying to force the emotions was painful, so much so it must be like having to cut off your own limb with nothing but a serrated knife.

“Lance must be here, and he must know we’re here-“ Pidge hissed in pain, and I wanted to cry out at the effort I put forth in not taking that small pain from them. I didn’t realize how much I had missed them. It had been two years after all, and a lot had changed. Or had it? Here I was, after everything I had done to protect them from me, yet if they found me they would be in grave danger.

It was as though someone had flipped a switch. My body wasn’t punishing me for not taking their pains anymore. I had convinced myself it was a bad thing to try and take their pain. Which it was, but that wasn’t the point. The point was I wasn’t in pain anymore, and could therefore not give away my position. 

I kept silent, listening hard. They had gasped quietly as I forced the pain off of myself. Pidge was even muttering possibilities that I had just died from the overwhelming emotions, or passed out, under their breath, the sound letting me know how close they got.

Finally, they were practically right next to me. Hunk’s fearful whimpers made me want to reach out and hug him, comfort him in an entirely safe way, but, it wouldn’t stay that way for long. Of that I was sure.

Then they were past, moving deeper into the ship. I let out a breath I hadn’t consciously been holding, and made my move. I sprinted from Lotor’s ship, finding myself on a lush green planet. Stunned, I took in a deep breath of the fresh air. I hadn’t been off-ship since I had been taken to Lotor, and the incredible feeling of warmth from a star was intoxicating after so long.

Shaking myself, I continued to move, searching for how they had gotten here. I grimaced as I discovered it, wringing my hands anxiously. The castleship was close by. Or close enough that they hadn’t seen the need to take a vehicle. Inconvenient for me. Sighing, I continued to sprint to the castleship.

Entering after so long felt strange. I felt Shiro and Allura and Coran, and applied the same practice I had with Pidge, Hunk, and Keith. It worked, hopefully fast enough that they hadn’t really noticed anything. Moving through the familiar hallways, I stalked to the hangar, aware how easily I could be discovered.

The hangar was full of alien ships, many makes and models I hadn’t seen before, and a few that looked slightly familiar. _The dignitaries…_ humming, I raced to the nearest pod, and almost snarled in anger. The pods weren’t designed for taking off in atmosphere. They could launch in space, but if I tried here, I would end up in a fireball. _Tempting, but no._ Shaking my head, I continued to contemplate the situation before me, dimly aware of the emotions flooding the castleship.

I felt the brush of Blue’s mind, soothing as ever, and wanted to cry. She was so happy I was here, purring at my return. I couldn’t shut her out if I wanted to, which I most certainly _didn’t_. The crashing waves of her mind were so soothing I let myself sag against a wall, taking it all in. There was no way I could take a pod, and I didn’t want to steal a ship, but there appeared to be no choice.

Steeling myself, I stepped up to a ship that looked vaguely familiar, and pressed a button on the outside that would let me in. The door slid open silently, and I stepped inside, grinning. Everything looked like something I could work with.

… 

The engines were quiet, and I smoothly flew the ship outside of the hangar, hanging onto Blue’s mournful voice as she urged me to stay. My smile was tremulous as I hit the thrusters, and escaped the atmosphere. _In another life beautiful, but as I am is only a liability. I can’t risk you and the rest of the universe like that._ She tried to insist that wasn’t true, but her thoughts were beginning to fade as I escaped the galaxy, and kept on going.

**KEITH’S P.O.V.**

“He’s not here!” I snarled, punching the nearest wall. We had torn through the ship, searching down every single corridor, through every room, every cell, everything we could think of.

“But he _was_ here.” Pidge grit out, leading the three of us from Lotor’s ship. “You all felt it when we entered. For a moment everything was bliss, as though not a single worry could penetrate our minds or bodies. The last time we felt that was from Lance. Something happened to him, we have to figure out _what_ it was.” They hissed then, fists balled so tightly I was concerned for a moment they would begin to bleed.

We made our way back to the castleship, Hunk the only one that had remained silent the entire time since we had discovered that no one was aboard the ship at all. I was slightly concerned for him, but the grim expression on his face was not something I wanted to mess with right now. The castleship was quiet, but that meant nothing. Hopefully Allura and Shiro had been successful with their end of the plan, even if we hadn’t been.

Striding into the council meeting room, I wasn’t surprised to see Lotor sitting there, or well, tied down there. His generals were gone, either captured elsewhere, or managed to escape. Probably the former given his fuming expression.

The room was silent as we entered, all eyes instantly going to us. Allura’s eyes were bright, and she studied us with a worried expression, glancing behind us as though expecting Lance to be behind us since he wasn’t at the forefront. Shiro sat across from Lotor, and Coran hovered behind Allura, also studying the three of us.

“Where is he?” Allura asked, frowning.

“We couldn’t find him on the ship,” I replied, glancing at Lotor to see his reaction. His eyes widened with surprise, and he twisted against his bonds, eyebrows drawn together in concern.

“What do you mean?” He asked, and I was shocked at his tone. Worry clouded his voice, urgent in its need for knowledge. “How could he not be there?”

“So you admit to having Lance this entire time, and not telling any of us?” Allura snarled, redirecting the conversation back to something they had probably discussed before the three of us arrived.

Lotor snarled right back, baring his sharp fangs. “I do! Why do you think I did not tell you? Would you have believed me if I told you I had not kidnapped and tortured him? Or that I was not keeping him hostage?”

“Of course not! Its obvious that’s what you must have been doing. He fled as soon as he got a chance!” Allura huffed back, crossing her arms.

Wounded, Lotor shook his head. “I would never do that to him, you do not understand.”

“Then _make_ us understand.” Shiro said firmly, an oppressive feeling of needing to speak the truth filling the room. The only reason I didn’t start spilling my guts was because it wasn’t directed at me. Lotor flinched as though someone had slapped him, and he tried to resist. 

“I- my generals found him on a barren planet with Altean technology. They had found a trace of a signal from a crashed pod, and went to investigate under my orders. They brought him to me, and I had no interest in-“ He cut off, hissing as though in pain, as though he were trying to hold something back, or twist words.

Shiro stood up, moving around the table so he was right behind Lotor, and rested his metal hand on the nape of Lotor’s neck. Leaning down, Shiro spoke slowly, and clearly into the half-Galrans ear. “Try to twist the words again, and the hand here will feel _much_ less pleasant.” He threatened, giving a warning squeeze with the bionic arm.

Lotor shivered, and continued. “-I did not have interest in torturing him. I had no idea who he was, but he intrigued me, and offered himself up, probably thinking I would harm him otherwise. The thought _never_ crossed my mind,” he hissed, eyes moving as best they could to glare at Shiro.

“What the hell did he offer? His body?” Pidge growled, and I winced, almost gagging at the thought of Lance underneath that man, so terrified he had offered his body in exchange for not being hurt.

“No, he offered his power to me. To take my pain from me. I did not believe he could, of course, until he demonstrated. It was- I- I felt so peaceful, for the first time in my life. It was extraordinary, I could not have refused his offer even if I wanted to once I got a taste of what he could do.” Lotor’s breathing was ragged, as though he struggled to hold things in, as though Shiro were ripping the words from him.

_Good_. My mind snarled. In the back of my mind, I imagined ripping Lotor apart, angry that he would use Lance like this.

“Soon I…” Lotor continued, breathless. “I came to love him, I wanted to give him everything. I wanted peace, he deserved to have to take as little of my pain as possible, anything to lessen his burden I would do for him.”

The room was silent for a few moments. We were digesting his words, anger rearing its head in my own, possessive and _furious_ that _my Lance_ had someone like this chasing after him.

“So why didn’t you stop then? Why didn’t you stop having him take your pain?” I growled, as, obviously by his wording, Lance had continued to take the pain from Lotor.

The alien shook his head. “He- I do not- there is no easy way to explain it. I craved the release he could give me, it was so freeing, I was able to cradle him in my arms, and believe if only for a while that everything would be okay, that he would never leave my embrace, that there was no war, no… no blood on my hands.” He admitted, breathless again.

“That seemed like an easy explanation.” Coran’s voice was darker than I had ever heard before, and my gaze was jerked to him. His gaze was focused solely on Lotor, eyes glinting with steel. A shiver ran down my back at the sight. “You crave the release he could give you, and you’ve fooled yourself into thinking you love him. Lance probably picked up on that, and not wanting a repeat of here, has fled of his own free will.”

The words made me balk. “Repeat? Repeat of what? What are you talking about?” I demanded, almost gulping when that dark gaze was trained on me.

“I have eyes and ears everywhere in this castle my boy, I know of the confession you and Shiro made to Lance the night he left. He must have realized that his power was doing this, the same it did to Lotor. You had no negative emotions to cloud how you saw him, and it made you think you loved him. He realized this, and fled, not wanting to manipulate the two of you like that.”

I almost choked on my air, eyes wide as I stared at him. “What are you _talking_ about?!” I yelled, slamming my hands down on the table. Shiro had stiffened at Coran’s words, moving nearer to me. “We loved Lance before he started doing this! When I- when I lost control and attacked him, I wanted to leave the team because I couldn’t bear to think of hurting Lance like that again!” I continued to shout, warning bells were going off in the back of my mind, but I ignored them, growling fiercely at Coran.

His eyes widened, but his mouth remained shut.

“Guys, I know this is important, but I think we have a more pressing issue.” Pidge intoned, their emotionless voice breaking me from the rage building inside my body. “Lance is gone. We have to find him.”


	10. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised a second one right away!

**LANCE’S P.O.V.**

This time I did not keep going until I ran out of fuel. Instead, I stopped as soon as I could, and traded the ship for another, this one full of fuel. Then I got as far as I could, and found another ship, and traded for that one too. I kept going on in this manner for a week. Gathering my courage, I struck out on my own, this time pressing on further than before, the fuel running dangerously low in the tanks.

Each planet I passed and considered had something wrong with it. Too many people, too close to other planets with lots of people, completely uninhabitable, etc., etc.

Sighing in exasperation, I finally came across a small moon orbiting a gas giant. The moon was ice on one side, and mostly water on the other. It looked promising enough. The system only had one inhabited planet, and based on what the scanners could detect, they weren’t very advanced. Not enough to come bother me on this moon at least.

Landing was easy, the atmosphere thick enough that it retained oxygen and kept away solar radiation, but not so much so that I was ever afraid my craft would break apart. On the mostly water side of the moon, were dotted islands. Touching down, and stepping from the craft, I grinned to see that the islands were volcanic in nature, due to the black sand at my feet. The waves lapped at the shore gently, and I grinned wider, turning to see the magnificent little jungle at my back. This place would be perfect.

…

Panting heavily, I winced, drawing myself upright. The predators on this island were _deadly_. Although small, they were fast and armed to literally their teeth, with razor sharp claws and fangs that might have drug on the ground in a normal situation. This wasn’t normal however, and these little bastards thought I looked delicious based on how doggedly they were after me.

I wasn’t even sure if there was more than one, this thing was moving so fast. Taking in a deep breath, I brought up the gun I had taken at one point during my journey, aiming. Waiting for the right moment, I struck, firing as the creature crossed paths with the muzzle of the gun. The thing let out a high pitched whine, and stopped moving, falling to the ground instantly. I gasped for breath, muttering under my breath that that was _too close Lance, that thing could have killed you!_

It was covered in scales, and I was surprised my blaster had been able to penetrate it at all. Maybe since it had never come across something as hard as my blaster before, it wasn’t adapted to taking that kind of thing. Or it had relied on speed so much that the scales weren’t that strong to begin with.

But man, those scales were _beautiful_. I marveled at the smoothness, and sharpness of them, and naturally their brilliant iridescent color that shimmered in the light.

De-scaling it was an experience to say the least. Of course I was going to eat it, wasting any kind of meat was a bad idea, but even after two years on the mint planet, I hadn’t come across anything like this. The meat roasted over a fire was delicious, and the scales kept their beautiful shimmer, so I decided to keep them, they might come in handy.

They were sharp enough to use as rudimentary knives, which I used to cut fauna and the like to make myself a little outdoor space. This time I didn’t distance myself from my ship, living out of it and turning it into a little house. Things were peaceful here, the waves crashing giving a constant stream of noise that soothed me into almost believing I was stranded on an island on Earth.

…

The little predators weren’t fully grown. They were babies. I had killed several of them, decorating myself in their scales. When enough of them disappeared, the mother came looking.

**PIDGE’S P.O.V.**

We tracked down the original ship Lance had used to escape the planet. It wasn’t very hard, since the aliens it belonged to had a homing beacon on their ships that they could remotely activate. Thankfully they weren’t too angry at us that their ship was stolen in the first place. I mean, I didn’t care, but Allura seemed to think it was a good thing. 

Allowing Lotor and his generals to follow us and help wasn’t really her idea, but she couldn’t really refuse since it was either keep him close, or hope he didn’t find Lance before we did. Keith and Shiro were furious that Allura had allowed them to leave at all, probably of the mindset that we should have kept them all prisoner. On some level I agreed with them, but I had shut out my emotions for days now, working tirelessly to track down the next ship Lance had traded for.

We had found the second one, and then the third, but were having serious difficulty with the fourth. Two months was a long time, and he could really be anywhere. Somewhere remote of course, but that left a whole lot of space.

A nagging voice in the back of my mind that sounded suspiciously like Lance told me that it wasn’t healthy what I was doing, blocking my emotions like this for so long. I didn’t care, even if I had my emotions I wouldn’t care. _I have to find him. He was so close, and he slipped through my fingers, I have to find him._ It was an on-going mantra that I told myself after I had slammed my head on my computer a few too many times, struggling to stay awake.

Nothing mattered but finding Lance and making him see that we loved him, and were desperate to have him back as part of our family. Our strange little family in space.

…

_Ping, ping, ping, ping, ping!_ My eyes shot open- _when did I close them?_ \- and my hands flew to the laptop propped open on my lap. A location was pulled up, the location of the fourth ship clear as day. I would have wept if I had any moisture in my body that wasn’t coffee, and if I hadn’t been suppressing my emotions for more than four months now.

Jumping to my feet, I sprinted to Coran’s control panel, and slammed a hand down on the comms button. “EVERYONE UP! I HAVE A LOCATION!” I shouted, already pressing buttons that I knew would take us to the beeping icon. Connecting my laptop, I uploaded the coordinates, and felt the ship shift beneath my feet, a subtle change I wasn’t sure I was supposed to be feeling.

_Must be the lack of sleep._

Footsteps thundered closer, and everyone was there, already dressed as though for battle. Coran gently pushed me aside, his expert fingers guiding the ship in its correct direction. Allura was at the helm, preparing a wormhole already.

“Contact Lotor! Tell him to prepare for a jump!” She commanded, ever the diplomat. I did as she bid, opening up a channel and sending the brief message. I closed it before he could ask _why_ we were jumping, but then, he should already know by my silence.

…

The planet wasn’t a planet after all, but a small moon orbiting a primitive planet that had yet to develop sophisticated space travel. Half of the moon was covered in ice, and the other half was mostly ocean. It looked like paradise for Lance, who I vaguely recalled having come from Cuba back on Earth.

We prepped the Lions, Coran staying behind and readying a healing pod just in case. Lotor had, after much interrogation, revealed the state he had found Lance in originally. We wouldn’t allow for something like that to happen again. He would be okay after we found him. He had to be.

Gliding down to the surface, I began scanning each of the islands, scanning for his unique body signature. When I found it, alarm rippled through me. I didn’t consult anyone, jetting off in the direction the horribly weak signal was coming from. They followed behind me, asking what was going on. Wordlessly, I shared the coordinates, and Keith took off, faster than the rest of us.

We came upon a large island, and circled it, finding the fourth ship nestled on the beach near the line of fauna. I wasn’t careful landing Green, leaping from her maw as soon as I possibly could.

“LANCE!” The scream was ripped from my throat, raw with the emotions I hadn’t let myself feel. A massive lizard thing that could have been a space dinosaur was crouched over his prone body, almost hidden in the foliage near the beach.

Keith was faster, shrieking like an animal as he launched himself at the lizard, bayard drawn. The sword glanced off the shimmering scales, and the beast screamed, rearing up and attacking back. Keith, probably consumed as he was, dodged the razor sharp teeth. 

“Draw it away from Lance!” I yelled, diving in close to Lance’s body. Keith obeyed, backing up enough that I could grab Lance. Shiro joined the fray with Keith, and Hunk was soon by my side, grabbing onto Lance as well, but hauling him up, already jogging back to his Lion.

Another animal shriek had me looking back to see Keith had embedded his sword through the space dinosaur’s maw, but he didn’t stop, slashing it until Shiro was there to interfere and drag him away with words I couldn’t hear through the rushing in my ears.

Lance was in bad shape, blood spattering his clothing. I had no idea if he was even still alive, but that didn’t matter right now. We had to get him back to the castle so the waiting healing pod could do its work. Hunk was at Yellow, and didn’t hesitate as he ran inside, the lion launching back into space before the hatch was fully closed. I sprinted back to Green, gunning it.

_You have to be okay Lance._

…

Lance was not okay. The creature had almost disemboweled him, huge claw marks searing through his normal shirt and flesh. There was a deep gouge in his right arm, and a few scratches on his face. But his heart was beating, his lungs drawing in air, however shallow and slow it was. There was hope.

All of us stood tensely around the healing pod, no one saying a word. Lotor and his generals sprinted into the room, and froze. Slowly Lotor made his way forward, almost touching the glass of the pod, but stopping himself, eyes wide.

Coran ushered him aside, working quickly and needing space.

“Well?” Keith snapped, as the carrot head finally slowed to a stop. “Is the pod going to be enough?”

“I- I…” Coran shook his head slowly, looking back and forth between the readings and Lance’s face in the pod. “I don’t know number four, he could make a full recovery, but… he is beyond critical condition. It will be several days before I will be able to know for certain if he will make it.” Running a hand through his hair, Coran shook his head some more. “Foolish boy…” he murmured, going back to typing on a little holopad.

We could only wait.

**KEITH’S P.O.V.**

“I did this Shiro,” I murmured, pressing my palm gently against the glass. “None of this would have happened if I hadn’t lost control that night…” Everyone was there, lying near the pod, sleeping.

Shiro and I were closest, a protective ring around the boy we so dearly loved. Well, I loved him dearly, I was no longer sure exactly how Shiro felt. He hadn’t mentioned much since our last argument before I went in search for him with Pidge and Hunk.

Now he let out a sharp exhale. “Don’t you dare Keith, don’t you dare put the blame for this on your shoulders. He…” Shiro’s voice trailed off like he was searching for the right words, and I felt his arms snake around me, clutching me close. “Lance doesn’t have… his instincts they… Shields are raised their whole life to take the pain away from people, that’s how he thinks. It spiraled out of control, and… Lance did the best he could. I don’t agree with what he did, I think we could have found another way that didn’t lead to him running away from all of us, but… I can understand why he thought that way.

“You have to understand that mistakes were made on all sides. We did something that made Lance think he couldn’t talk to us about his problems, that he had to bear all of our burdens. Lance isn’t blameless, none of us are. But you aren’t solely at fault here Keith. I… I still love him so much, its taken a while for me to reconcile my feelings. But I do, I love him. When he comes out of that pod, we need to make sure he feels that. So we don’t lose him again.” Shiro finished, and I wanted to cry. He always knew exactly what to say.

Letting go of a few tears, I buried my face in Shiro’s chest, having twisted around so my back was to Lance. My grip was tight around him, but Shiro didn’t say anything, merely reaching a hand up and running it through my hair a few times.

“Are you going to be here for that?” He asked softly, continuing to stroke my hair.

I nodded into his embrace, sniffling. I wouldn’t run away like Lance had, I would stay, and I would make him see that I loved him, that Shiro loved him. All of us loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you thought? I know I like to have things a tad dramatic, don't I? Sorry for putting Lance in the pod again!
> 
> I hope you guys are liking the different perspectives of the different paladins, I'm sorry for not doing Hunk though, I just felt the others needed their moments ya know?
> 
> Please comment your thoughts!


	11. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, this isn't really the last chapter, sorry for the confusion, I keep forgetting. There's one more chapter after this one

Lance made it through the first few days, when Coran had said it would be touch and go with him. The healing pod was a miracle worker, and if I were the religious type, I would worship it as a god. Once it had been established that Lance wasn’t going to die any moment, Pidge, Hunk, and Allura relaxed enough that they would no longer spend all of their time in front of the healing pod. Lotor, Shiro, and I would.

Coran would be in and out, constantly moving from keeping the ship running, to checking on Lance’s progress.

Lotor and Allura had finally worked out the peace treaty, and we were slowly implementing it, phasing out the old ways with the new. Thankfully Pidge, Hunk, and Lotor’s generals could do that largely without the three of us. We were mostly silent as we watched the pod, wary of the other’s presence.

“So, what makes you think you love Lance?” I asked suddenly. I had stepped back into the room after spending a few hours on the training deck.

Lotor’s head snapped up, blue eyes surrounded by yellow staring at me in confusion for a moment. “Did we not already establish this?”

“Not to my satisfaction, no. Especially since the conversation ended with Coran calling you out on your ‘love’ being based on his powers,” I replied casually, sitting down across from him. Shiro wasn’t here, he was off with Allura somewhere most likely, since she had pulled him aside this morning at breakfast.

Lotor sneered, “Your ‘satisfaction’ matters in this case? Please explain that one to me Red Paladin,”

“I loved him before he ever lost control of his power, before I even knew what his power was. Shiro and I both did.” I snarled, crossing my arms angrily. “You only came to love him _after_ he used his powers on you. How can you claim to love him?”

“Because I know I do! You drove him away because he was using his talents in secret, I have embraced him in everything he does. His power is a miracle, and he is so selfless to use it, to offer those he loves the chance to be without pain. He suffers it in silence, allowing so few to see him truly broken as he allowed me to see. Lance is a _treasure_ , and I will not stop until he sees himself as such.” Lotor declared, crossing his arms to mimic me, a sneer on his face.

“You did not go after him, I did. You and your Black Paladin claim to love him, yet you have fought over his actions in the present and past. I am not so foolish as to think that the arguments would stop just because he is back again.” Flipping his hair back, his sneer strengthened as he saw me seething, the words digging into old wounds.

“You don’t know anything,” I hissed, clenching my fists against my chest. “Besides, he clearly doesn’t love you, because he left you as soon as he could!” I shot at him, fury coiling in my gut.

Lotor’s expression twisted with pain. “He did the same to Voltron. Maybe…” Pausing, Lotor turned his head away, looking at Lance’s sleeping face. “Maybe he does not love any of us, but that would cause us pain… so he avoids having to cause that kind of pain by running.” His voice was soft, thoughtful. The words hit me like a stab to the heart.

What if he was right? Shaking my head, I frowned. “But him leaving hurt more than a rejection could-“

“Yes, but Lance probably wasn’t thinking of that. If he wasn’t thinking of that, then his power didn’t know it was a possibility. Not to mention, Lance thought we only loved him because of his power, and that him removing himself from the situation would snap us back to normal, no rejection caused since there were no ‘real feelings’ to be hurt in the first place.” Lotor looked frenzied for a moment, large purple hand caressing the glass. “No wonder…” he murmured, falling silent.

…

Lotor’s words left a sour taste in my mouth. I couldn’t help but compare them to what Coran had said, and shuddered. _Is that really what Lance thinks? That the only reason we love him is because he can take away our negative emotions?_ It was something Shiro and I would have to fix the moment Lance woke up. If he woke up.

Coran was fretting over the pod. It had been almost a month since Lance had been put inside, and several weeks since he was out of the red zone. According to Coran, Lance should be out by now. Or any moment.

Everyone was gathered around the pod, waiting anxiously as Coran decided to induce the sequence, so that at the very least he could examine Lance himself. Pidge stood at his side, helping. I was dimly aware of the concern I held for the youngest Paladin, they had been holding their emotions off for three months now, the kind of emotional backlash that would create wouldn’t be healthy, and Shiro and I had already discussed cornering them at the next opportunity. 

The glass slid open, and Lance slumped back, brow wrinkling. I felt all of my pain sucked away in one instant, and Lance gasped, eyes flying open. Gritting my teeth, I wrenched on the pain, needing to feel it. _For Lance._ He breathed out, eyes wild as he looked at everyone gathered so close.

Opening and closing his mouth, it was apparent he had no idea what to say.

“Come on out my boy, I need to run a check-up on you to make sure the pod was finished. You sustained some nasty wounds from that bel-shnipe.” Coran piped up, cheery.

Nodding, Lance wobbled from the pod, legs unable to carry him. Instantly Shiro and I were there, holding him up. He felt like skin and bones, lighter than any fully grown man should feel. My heart clenched in my chest, and gently I picked him up, cradling him. Shiro frowned slightly, but conceded, following close enough as I carried Lance to a table further into the medical bay.

He was shaking, and I wasn’t sure why. He could be cold, or he could be afraid. Raising my hand, I brushed a few hairs from his forehead, my throat making a soothing noise. Lance relaxed minutely, but tensed once again as everyone crowded close.

“Guys back up, I know we’ve all been eager for him to wake up, but he needs his space.” I barked, glaring at Lotor. He glared right back, baring his teeth in a sign of aggression, challenge.

Before I could get into a snarling competition, Shiro stepped in, glaring harder at Lotor until he backed down.

Hunk stepped close, and hugged Lance, shaking with tears. But he stepped away, smiling a little to himself. “I’m going to go make some food.” Contented happiness swept through all of us, and I smiled gratefully, watching him go.

Allura merely nodded, pressing her lips together tightly as tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. She followed Hunk, leaving the rest of us to take care of Lance. Pidge was assisting Coran, as emotionless as ever.

Lance was frowning at them, and reached out a hand, stopping their movement with a slight touch to the shoulder. Pidge stiffened, turning to look at him.

“Yes?”

Sighing, Lance held his arms open, waiting patiently for Pidge to embrace him. Leaning forward, I could hear him whisper something in their ear, and the next moment Pidge screamed, back arching as if in agony. Alarmed, I leapt forward, reaching to wrench the two apart. Shiro’s hand held me back, and he shook his head when I whipped my own around to stare at him incredulously.

“Shh… shhhhh… hey, it’s okay. See? I’m here, I’m okay,” Lance cooed, stroking their hair slowly. Pidge all but climbed into his lap, heaving sobs leaving their body as if torn from it.

I could tell that Coran was torn, biting his lip as he shifted from foot to foot.

“Lance? Coran does need to look you over. We need to make sure you’re okay. Pidge? Please let go for a few moments.” Shiro asked gently, layering on another layer of calm and content into the room.

Pidge slumped over, and nodded, slowly extracting themselves from Lance’s embrace. “If you run off again before I’m done letting this out, there will be hell to pay,” they hissed, punching Lance in the arm weakly.

He nodded, a tremulous smile on his lips as they backed away enough for Coran to begin to examine him. Coran made a few notes on his holopad, asking Lance a few questions about how he was feeling, and poking a few places.

Shiro and I stood off to the side, watching silently. Shiro’s arm was around my shoulders, I had missed the feeling so much I didn’t shrug him off.

“Well… you seem perfectly healthy Lance. Welcome back,” Coran pronounced, hugging Lance tightly once he was finally done. Lance hugged him back, closing his eyes and taking in a deep breath.

“Thanks,” he said, voice raspy from disuse.

… 

He didn’t ask about Lotor, and Lotor didn’t speak up about his presence. The other generals had their turn to come in and see him, the bubbly orange one excitedly hugging him and twirling Lance around. Lance actually laughed at that, patting her and the others as they offered their thanks that he was okay.

I wasn’t sure how things stood with anybody, and that fact bothered me. Was Lance about to take off again? Would I lose him again?

“Lance?” I asked, standing in the doorway to his room. Lance was reclining on his bed, hands behind his head, just staring off into space. At my entrance, he looked my way, but didn’t say anything. I stepped inside, worry eating away at me. I felt it ease a bit, and panicked, wrenching the feeling back. Lance raised an eyebrow, and sat up, motioning me to sit down next to him.

“So… you’re doing that too, huh?” Lance asked, gesturing to me vaguely. It took me a second to understand exactly what he meant, but I nodded when I did.

“It’s my worry, you shouldn’t have to bear it,” I replied quietly, sitting down next to him and looking at my hands clasped in my lap.

A dark chuckle escaped Lance’s lips. “Thanks, I’m sure my instincts understand.”

My head whipped around to look at his blasé expression, and I glared.“What’s that supposed to mean?” I shot back, ruffled.

Lance waved me off. “Nothing, nothing. So, what has you so worried?”

I bit back the angry retort that his words weren’t _nothing_ , and that he should explain himself. Instead I drew in a deep breath, and mentally prepped myself. I couldn’t stand this worrying, it wasn’t something I was used to. I confronted my problems.

“Are you going to leave again?” I asked, staring intently into his eyes. I watched them go wide with shock, and fear, before closing off to me.

“Why do you care? Clearly you guys did fine without me the last two plus years. I don’t see why I have to stick around. Especially since its more likely than not that I’ll fall back into that _habit_.” He hissed, trying and failing to remain distant as I continued to stare at him. Fire burned in my gut, hot and angry.

“You… you really think we were fine without you here? That everything was okay because you had decided to exile yourself?” I asked, incredulous. How could he be so stupid? “Do you think none of us care about you?” I demanded, clenching my fists in an effort to not grab him and shake some sense into him.

Lance scoffed, leaning back and laying down flat on the bed again. “Oh please, I know you guys care about me. I can feel that, I felt it when Pidge finally let all of that out. How could you guys let them do that by the way? More than two _months_ of emotions poured through them in a manner of seconds! It could have fried their brain!”

He was changing the subject, trying to get me to forget about the topic at hand. But I had to respond with something. “Well what was I supposed to do about that? Pidge made their decision, and they weren’t going to listen to any of us, considering that oh yeah, _they found you_ before you died on that stupid island!” I waved my hand to stop his response, glaring now.

“That isn’t what I’m here about. Yell at all of us about that later. Right now, I need to get something through your thick skull: we love you Lance, having you apart from us like that was horrible. If you think we did so fine without you, why don’t you ask Pidge what they’ve been doing ever since you left hmm? They left Voltron, and Hunk almost did too. Fuck, me, Hunk, and Pidge all left Voltron to search for you when Pidge contacted us that they had found a lead!” I cried. This time, I didn’t hold myself back, and did grab his shoulders, shaking.

Lance was silent, staring at me, his eyes still closed off.

“You don’t get it? Damnit Lance, I love you! Shiro and I both do, our confession wasn’t just because of your powers! It just took away our worry that you would reject us! We’ve been in love with you long before your powers went on overdrive!” Emboldened by his wide eyes, I wrenched him forward, locking my lips with his.

It was a messy, forceful kiss, but when I pulled away I didn’t regret it. Lance had frozen up in my grasp, eyes blown wide with panic.

“Don’t you get it?” I whispered, pulling him to me in a hug. “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm.... all the emotions eh? Lance and Keith there right? What about Pidge's response eh? Anything?
> 
> Tell me what you thought!


	12. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long to get out to everyone! Life got in the way-- but here it is! The last chapter!

**LANCE’S P.O.V.**

_He can’t… but he…_ My mind was blank yet whirring at the same time, unable to understand. I tried to deny it, tried to rationalize how he could be wrong, how what he was saying couldn’t be true, but that kiss had left my head spinning.

“Don’t you get it?” He whispered, pulling me in closer for a tender hug. “I love you.”

Tears pricked the edges of my eyes. I couldn’t tell if they were from his words or from holding my eyes open for so long. Rapidly blinking, I pulled away from Keith, almost shoving him off of the bed. He looked hurt, reaching a hand out for me.

“I need to think. Get out.” My voice wasn’t steady, but it was stronger than I had expected it to be. Biting his lip, Keith rose from the bed, taking a few steps away. I was awash in his hurt, and fear, and worry. Underneath all of that, I could sense his hope, slowly burning away his pain.

“Okay… please think about it this time… and don’t leave.” His joke almost made me smile, but it was too painful, too much of a reminder of last time. Keith left my room quickly, probably off to tell Shiro what he did.

I needed to think. Standing, I paced for a little while before storming from my room. _Blue, I’ll think it out in Blue._

…

The hangars were thankfully empty, I wasn’t sure I would be able to stand anyone’s company right now. Stalking forward, I didn’t even register Blue coming to life joyfully, lowering her maw and allowing me inside. She purred in the back of my mind, not caring at all that I wasn’t happy.

Not happy wasn’t really the thing though, was it? I was stunned, and afraid. How could I just accept something like this? After so long apart, and me just waking up from almost dying again, and he throws this curveball at me?

_I can’t even be mad at him._ Joy was bubbling beneath the surface of my fear and shock, just waiting to leap out should I give it the chance. It felt the same as it had two years ago. Except better this time, because I knew I hadn’t been using my powers on him, had felt him rip his pain away from me. They had had two years without me, my powers should be long gone from their system, he should be able to look back at everything and know what was real and what wasn’t.

_Could it be true? Do they really love me?_

_How would you know for certain, my Paladin?_ Blue chimed in, her crashing voice soothing as always. _There will always be uncertainty within you, let that go. Allow them inside._ She urged, calming my frayed nerves.

“But Blue… I want to, I really, really want to. How… what if…?” I don’t want to be hurt like that again. I’m not sure I can take it this time.

_You will not know unless you try. You are strong, my Paladin. They truly love you._

“How do you know that?” I whispered, the sound broken in the silence of her cockpit.

_I know them._ She fell silent, refusing to offer anything else to me. Frustrated, I grabbed at my hair, pulling. Growling, I collapsed to my knees. Agonizing over this wasn’t going to make anything better. It wouldn’t do anything except psyche me out, and then I would run away again like a coward.

I left Blue, striding to the bridge. Someone would be there, maybe Shiro would be. I could confront him about this, and see what was going on. Before I could leave the hangars however, a familiar presence stopped me short.

“Lotor? What are you doing down here?” I asked, pausing before the Galran Emperor.

He sighed, shaking his head. “I came to say goodbye Lance. I know now that, while I love you, it is not stronger than the love the Black and Red Paladins hold for you. They have loved you much longer, and… I am uncertain… I do not know if my love is based off of your power or not. I could not bear it if I hurt you should I discover it is.”

Shock slammed into me again. I mean, I had assumed he thought he loved me, but to hear it spoken was completely different.

“I know that is the reason you fled from me. I do not blame you. I love you, but I know that I cannot have you. I must get back to running my empire, and righting the wrongs of ten thousand years of war. I hope they make you happy Lance, you deserve that kind of happiness. You shouldn’t have to take everyone’s pain. You’re too kind for that kind of life.” Lotor shook his head, taking a step away from me. “I hope to continue to see you, as allies if nothing else.”

Before I could utter a word, he was gone, leaving an odd feeling in my chest. I didn’t love Lotor, not like I loved Shiro and Keith, but I cared for him. He had saved and healed me, and ultimately brought me back to my second family. I would… miss him.

…

“Shiro?” I murmured, entering the dim bridge. Coran was at his controls, and Allura was at the helm, discussing something with Shiro. They all paused to look at me as I entered, smiles drawing up their lips.

“Lance, what do you need?” Shiro asked, stepping down from the dais and moving closer to me. He looked concerned, but not overly so. Had Keith not come and told him what happened in my room?

“Could I talk to you in private?” I asked, already walking back the way I had come. Shiro followed me wordlessly from the room, stopping a few steps away from me in the hallway, when I did.

“Is something wrong Lance?” He asked, voice softer.

I shrugged my shoulders, not meeting his concerned gaze. “I don’t know. Keith, he… he told me that it wasn’t my powers that made you two… confess to me. That they didn’t conjure those feelings. Was it true?” I asked, biting my lip and shifting from foot to foot. I was staring at the ground, but as the silence stretched on, I dared a look at Shiro’s face.

He looked surprised, and felt worried. “Lance… yeah. It’s true. We had been talking about approaching you long before your powers went… haywire.”

“Ah…” I whimpered, my hands covering my face. I bowed over, thoughts racing in my head. _What do I do now?_

“Lance… if you don’t feel the same, it’s okay. We don’t want to pressure you into a relationship with us. It’s okay-“

“No it isn’t okay!” I cut him off, feeling overwhelmed. Three love confessions in one day was not doing my heart any favors. It hammered wildly in my chest, blood rushing in my ears. “Nothing is okay Shiro! I’ve loved the both of you so much for so long, I don’t- I don’t know what to do with this! I convinced myself it would never work, you guys would never feel the same way, I resigned myself to that fate- and now- and _now_ you’re both saying it’s true?! What do I do with _that_?!” I cried, backing myself up until I hit the hallway wall.

Shiro’s expression was careful, and I felt the whirlwind of worry and uncertainty inside of him. He wasn’t sure what to do either.

“You have?” He asked quietly, voice tender and disbelieving.

Slumping, I let myself fall down to sit. “Yeah… I had a crush on you back at the Garrison, but fell head over heels for Keith there too- and then I got to know both of you personally as Voltron- and then that morning the both of you came out to the rest of the team. My heart broke but you were so perfect together; I knew I couldn’t ruin something like that by confessing my feelings.” My breathing was labored, and like a bolt of lightning I realized I was sobbing, great heaving things that shook my entire body.

Hands gently grasped my shoulders. The flesh one reached for my chin, cupping my cheek and bringing my face up to meet Shiro’s eyes. His expression broke my heart again, it took me too long to realize he was kissing me, holding me so tenderly, as if I would break in his grasp.

He kissed so differently from Keith, but with no less passion. I could physically _feel_ Shiro’s love for me with each gentle slide of his lips. My hands came forward of their own volition, I was grasping him back, feeling deep inside myself that this was right and perfect and more than I had ever dreamed.

Shiro pulled away first, but only his lips. His hands drew me closer, hugging me closely. “I’m so sorry Lance, I love you so much. I’m sorry we didn’t realize how you felt. Is… is it too late to fix this?”

“Of course not,” I gasped, gripping him tighter and holding him there.

“Let’s go find Keith then,” he murmured, taking my hand and leading me down the hallway.

“Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone so much for reading, I've cherished every review and kudos, I'm glad y'all wanted to go on this journey with me.
> 
> Please tell me what you thought!


End file.
